Well, this blog will be inactive the next few weeks as me and mine dip our toes into some warm water on a beach somewhere south of here. Don't want to get sand in the laptop, so not only do I get a rest, but the blog does too. Here's hoping everyone has a merry Christmas and we'll see you in the new year.Saturday, December 20, 2008
Mooey Christmas
Well, this blog will be inactive the next few weeks as me and mine dip our toes into some warm water on a beach somewhere south of here. Don't want to get sand in the laptop, so not only do I get a rest, but the blog does too. Here's hoping everyone has a merry Christmas and we'll see you in the new year.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Cute Christmas Quotes
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. ~ Phyllis Diller
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music. ~ Tom Sims
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously? ~ Bill Watterson
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven. ~ W. C. Fields
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet. ~ Unknown
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas. ~ Johnny Carson
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present. ~ Unknown
What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other. ~ Johnny Carson
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included. ~ Bernard Manning
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ~ Erma Bombeck
I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark. ~ Dick Gregory
The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband. ~ Joan Rivers
In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it 'Christmas' and went to church; the Jews called it 'Hanukka' and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say 'Merry Christmas!' or 'Happy Hanukka!' or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!" ~ Dave Barry
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit. ~ Unknown
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year. ~ Victor Borge
Count your blessings this Christmas. Go ahead and use fractions if you have to. ~ Mark (ShoeBoxBlog)
Pretty Paper
At Archie McPhee's you can find a wonderdful Christmas wrapping idea: Bacon Gift Wrap!
His site says: Let's face it, mainstream gift wrap has lost its edge. More often than not, you end up wrapping your gift in yesterday's comics and that's just unacceptable. Start wrapping in style! Our line of exciting gift wrap features unique artwork sure to make your present stand out among the crowd. You'll get four 20" x 30" sheets of quality wrapping paper.
Bacon Gift Wrap, Set of 2item 11034$7.95 ea.
And what gift to wrap in Bacon Gift Wrap? Why Bacon Placemats, of course!
His site says: Let's face it, mainstream gift wrap has lost its edge. More often than not, you end up wrapping your gift in yesterday's comics and that's just unacceptable. Start wrapping in style! Our line of exciting gift wrap features unique artwork sure to make your present stand out among the crowd. You'll get four 20" x 30" sheets of quality wrapping paper.Bacon Gift Wrap, Set of 2item 11034$7.95 ea.
And what gift to wrap in Bacon Gift Wrap? Why Bacon Placemats, of course!
Mountain Climber
A mountain climber had a very harrowing experience while caught in an unexpected blizzard -- barely escaping with his life, he was finally rescued and brought down the mountain. Examination showed that both legs were severely frostbitten and some amputation would have to be performed.
After surgery, he was sorely disappointed to receive a note from his fiancee instead of her physical presence. Seems she couldn't marry him due to his condition. She was "lack-toes" intolerant.
merci
After surgery, he was sorely disappointed to receive a note from his fiancee instead of her physical presence. Seems she couldn't marry him due to his condition. She was "lack-toes" intolerant.
merci
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Jump!
Back in the 1929 Financial Crash it was said that some Wall Street Stockbrokers and Bankers JUMPED from their office windows and committed suicide when confronted with the news of their firms and clients financial ruin . . .
Many people were said to almost feel a little sorry for them . . . . . .
In 2008 the attitude has changed somewhat:
merci Leaman
Many people were said to almost feel a little sorry for them . . . . . .
In 2008 the attitude has changed somewhat:
merci Leaman
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Hunka, Hunka Burnin' Love
If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Congratulations
News Item: Paul Shaffer, Letterman's musical sidekick, receives Order of Canada
Shaffer with the Governor General, Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean
Paul Shaffer, C.M.Bedford, New York, U.S.A. and Thunder Bay, Ontario - Member of the Order of Canada. As an internationally renowned musician and band leader, Paul Shaffer proudly showcases Canadian talent to the world. For more than 25 years, he has been the musical director and comic foil on the Late Show with David Letterman. He has shared his time and talents with a variety of organizations from across the nation, including Epilepsy Canada, the Kiwanis Music Festivals of Canada and Lakehead University, and has organized and performed in numerous benefit concerts throughout North America.
Shaffer with the Governor General, Her Excellency the Right Honourable Michaëlle Jean
Paul Shaffer, C.M.Bedford, New York, U.S.A. and Thunder Bay, Ontario - Member of the Order of Canada. As an internationally renowned musician and band leader, Paul Shaffer proudly showcases Canadian talent to the world. For more than 25 years, he has been the musical director and comic foil on the Late Show with David Letterman. He has shared his time and talents with a variety of organizations from across the nation, including Epilepsy Canada, the Kiwanis Music Festivals of Canada and Lakehead University, and has organized and performed in numerous benefit concerts throughout North America.
Friday, December 12, 2008
National Ding-A-Ling Day
As a public service to my faithful readers, I thought I should let you know that today's a very important day. What day? Why, National Ding-A-Ling Day. According to Askville.Amazon.com:
Today is National Ding-a-Ling Day, a very special day to "Ring your Bell". Nope, we're not talking about the Salvation Army Bell Ringers, standing with their bells and kettles, outside of every store in the country. On National Ding-a-Ling Day, you should brace yourself for bizarre and crazy behavior, from all of the people you encounter today. Even normally conservative people have been known to go a little crazy on this day. Some people say this is a day for wackos, lunatics, and others who are off their rocker. We say, it is simply a day to cut loose, act a little weird. What do you do to celebrate this day? Be ever vigilant to the ding-a-lings that will come out of the woodwork. Ding-a-Lings will be everywhere: on the road, on the street, in stores, and even in your house! We suggest you get into the holiday spirit, and become a ding-a-ling yourself......But, please do so for just one day. For the record:Ding-a-Lings and Ding Bats are not quite the same.
Today is National Ding-a-Ling Day, a very special day to "Ring your Bell". Nope, we're not talking about the Salvation Army Bell Ringers, standing with their bells and kettles, outside of every store in the country. On National Ding-a-Ling Day, you should brace yourself for bizarre and crazy behavior, from all of the people you encounter today. Even normally conservative people have been known to go a little crazy on this day. Some people say this is a day for wackos, lunatics, and others who are off their rocker. We say, it is simply a day to cut loose, act a little weird. What do you do to celebrate this day? Be ever vigilant to the ding-a-lings that will come out of the woodwork. Ding-a-Lings will be everywhere: on the road, on the street, in stores, and even in your house! We suggest you get into the holiday spirit, and become a ding-a-ling yourself......But, please do so for just one day. For the record:Ding-a-Lings and Ding Bats are not quite the same.
The Purina Diet
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.What did she think I had – an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
A Christmas Story
Ralphie: I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! Santa Claus: You'll shoot your eye out, kid.
One of my all-time favourite christmas movies has got to be A Christmas Story, one of the funniest movies from any time of the year. The film, celebrating it's 25th anniversary , tugs our memories back to when we were kids at christmas, hoping and praying for that special gift.
The dialogue from the movie is exquisite, and the situations Ralphie, his father (Darren McGavin) and his brother get into are priceless.
Mental Floss has a page of Trivia about the movie and did you know you could buy the leg lamp? In fact there are 13 different leg lamp items for sale at the A Christmas Story House Gift Shop
Here's the movie boiled down to 2:09:
When Condiments Go Bad
merci
Good to know in my house. There are times my fridge looks like a high school science experiment.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Santa's Helpers
Send your own ElfYourself eCards
Merry Christmas from John, Maryse, Philippe, Megan and Matt
Political Storm
This test is very quick with only one question, but it's a very important one, especially considering the political news of the past week. By giving an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally.
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please give due consideration to each line. THE SITUATION:
You are in Canada, Ottawa to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a huge early December storm with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major Canadian newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water of the Ottawa River. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive 
fury. THE TEST:
Suddenly, you see four men in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris.You move closer... Somehow, the men look familiar...
You suddenly realize who they are.. It's Stephen Harper, Stephane Dion, Jack Layton, and Gilles Duceppe! You notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever. You have two options:You can save lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of the country's most powerful men at possibly one of Canada's most important historical moments! THE QUESTION: Here's the question, and please give an honest answer.................
The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will have to make a decision. Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please give due consideration to each line. THE SITUATION:
You are in Canada, Ottawa to be specific. There is chaos all around you caused by a huge early December storm with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major Canadian newspaper, and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing into the water of the Ottawa River. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive 
fury. THE TEST:Suddenly, you see four men in the water. They are fighting for their lives, trying not to be taken down with the debris.You move closer... Somehow, the men look familiar...
You suddenly realize who they are.. It's Stephen Harper, Stephane Dion, Jack Layton, and Gilles Duceppe! You notice that the raging waters are about to take them under forever. You have two options:You can save lives or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of the country's most powerful men at possibly one of Canada's most important historical moments! THE QUESTION: Here's the question, and please give an honest answer.................
Would you select high contrast colour film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white?
merci Leaman
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
The Passing of Polaroid
News Item: Polaroid Film Gone, But Not Forgotten
Polaroid film is perhaps best identified through a series of commericals in the late 70s/early 80s with TV and film stars James Garner and Mariette Hartley.
The chemistry between the two was superb, to such a degree many viewers thought the couple were actually married. However, they weren't. And Mariette Hartley went to great lengths to prove her point...
Polaroid film is perhaps best identified through a series of commericals in the late 70s/early 80s with TV and film stars James Garner and Mariette Hartley.
The chemistry between the two was superb, to such a degree many viewers thought the couple were actually married. However, they weren't. And Mariette Hartley went to great lengths to prove her point...
Defining Divorce
One guy to another, “Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced.”
“Did you see a lawyer?”
“No, I got married.”
Douche
You know, I knew it but was always loathe to admit I have way too much time on my hands. With this post the secret's out. How else can I explain spending time on the site Hot Chicks With DoucheBags Our friend above has the dubious distiction of winning the Douchiest Hair of 2008 Award. Way to go "Wheatstalks".
War is Over
Yesterday, of course, was the anniversary of the assassination of John Lennon outside the Dakota Building in New York City in 1980, 28 years ago. Lennon wrote many memorable songs, both with Paul McCartney and without him. This "seasonal" tune was among the latter...
Snow, Man
merciThere's a winter storm warning in effect for Ottawa-Gatineau, calling for 15-25cm of snow followed by freezing rain. So, plenty of raw materials - as it were - for snowmen.
Monday, December 8, 2008
The Blonde and The Trucker
As a North Bay trucker stops for a red light on Hwy.11, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, myname is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says,............ "Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in CANADA , and I'm driving the bloody SALT TRUCK......."
merci Bernard
Wine For Seniors
California vintners in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produce Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as ….
PINO MORE
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The new wine will be marketed as ….
PINO MORE
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Heart Attack In A Pizza Box
Found this referenced on So Good Yeah, meat-lovers, indeed! I followed the links which led me to Domino's in New Zealand where, as if the pizza weren't enough, it also comes with Jim Beam's double smoked BBQ sauce. Truly a heart attack in a box! But hey, with 2 kinds of bacon, it can't be all bad!
Chin Mufflers
Over at Boing Boing there's an interesting poster from yesteryear on the hierarchy of beards. Dangle-Swaggles and Soup-Saver are just two of the interesting names given to facial hair.
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Sunday, December 7, 2008
Lonesome George
Hollywood SquareQ. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Here's a classic clip of Gobel on the Johnny Carson show from a whole other time. Drinking and smoking on TV was quite acceptable back in the 60s/70s. Note Johnny's fashion statement.
Heavy Load
The materials were loaded at Home Depot, whose store manager made the customers sign a waiver. While you can imagine the weight of the plywood and 2x4s, what’s not readily apparent is in the back seat: ten 80-pound bags of concrete! Police estimated the entire load weighed at least 3000 pounds.Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent, and the back shocks were driven up through the floorboard. The car, with Florida license plates, was headed for Annapolis, where the couple presumably planned to build a new house in which to smoke their crack.
Gun Safety Expert Plaxico Burress
As I settle in for an afternoon of NFL matches, I'm happy to see there's a life after football for Plaxico...
Victor Borge
I saw a Victor Borge special on PBS last night and it brought back many memories. As a kid I loved watching him. He was simply hilarious...and a marvellous musician. Anyway, this morning I went searching on you tube and there are enough Victor Borge clips to keep you going all day. Here's one:
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Doggone
A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog and screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead. The man demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The Lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the Lab thinks your dog is dead too.” The man, finally resigns to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, “$650.” “$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man.“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and Lab tests.”
merci
merci
Birds Do It
FIFTY YEARS OF POPULAR SONGS CONDENSED INTO SINGLE SENTENCES.
The Beatles, "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"
I'd like to do it with you right now.
Carly Simon, "You're So Vain"
We used to do it, but then you did it with someone else, and now I'm not going to do it with you, although I wish we were still doing it.
more here
The Beatles, "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?"
I'd like to do it with you right now.
Carly Simon, "You're So Vain"
We used to do it, but then you did it with someone else, and now I'm not going to do it with you, although I wish we were still doing it.
more here
Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, you might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Patient: Well, you might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That’s terrible! What could be worse? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Friday, December 5, 2008
The Funniest Joke
Funniest Joke in the World
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Runner Up:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Another Runner Up:
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."
Still Another Runner Up:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."
One More Runner Up:
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"
And Still Another Runner Up:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Amazing - Another Runner Up:
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.
Last Runner Up:
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"
merci
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "OK, now what?"
Runner Up:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Another Runner Up:
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip. I was having dinner with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?' But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life."
Still Another Runner Up:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."
One More Runner Up:
TEXAN: "Where are you from?"
HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." TEXAN: "OK - where are you from, jackass?"
And Still Another Runner Up:
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen." The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, "That driver just insulted me!" The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Amazing - Another Runner Up:
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.
Last Runner Up:
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." The dog replied, "But that would make no sense at all!"
merci
Men, Women, Dogs
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Why It's Better To Have A Dog Than A Wife
1.The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
2. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog’s parents never visit.
5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.
9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad. They just think it’s interesting.
13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.
And last, but not least:
14. If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.
If you really want to know who loves you more, put your wife & your dog in the trunk of the car for ½ an hour and see who’s happy to see you when you let ‘em out!
merci
Adolf Harper
The art of political debate in Canada may be the pits these days but, if nothing else, the constitutional cock-up has improved political humour in this country. Witness this video found on Boing Boing
Colonoscopy Comments
Colonoscopies are no joke, but these comments during the exam were quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
from Dave Barry (merci Leaman)
1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!
2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
5. 'You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married.'
6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
And the best one of all.
13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?'
from Dave Barry (merci Leaman)
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Stephane Dion Is Not A Leader...
No matter which side of the argument you're on this video is a hoot!
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Odetta
Headline Civil rights beacon Odetta dead at 77
The woman who influenced a young Bob Dylan to take up folk music has died. But her influence spread far beyond music...
Wikipedia's overview can be found here.
The woman who influenced a young Bob Dylan to take up folk music has died. But her influence spread far beyond music...
Wikipedia's overview can be found here.
Hey, Hey, My, My
Neil Young proved last night that, indeed, rock and roll will never die. In fact, "Into the Black" was one of the highlites of the evening at Ottawa's Scotiabank Place. His spirited and energetic performance moved my wife to turn to me and say "I only hope you have that much energy when you're that age!"(I'm about 7 years south of Neil). After all, Neil's getting up there in dog years and, of course, he went through serious brain surgery a couple of years ago but you'd never know all that from last night's concert. Young and his group, including wife Peggi and veteran Young collaborators Ben Keith on slide and guitar and Rick Rosas on bass, were preceeded by Jeff Tweedy and Wilco who put in a fantastic set. Opening act Everest were good but unfortunately struggled against a poor sound system. Everest and Wilco put in sets of about a half hour each. The Old Man put everyone to shame playing non-stop for over 2 rock-out hours.
Here's a couple of photos from the Ottawa Citizen...
Here's this morning's review in the Ottawa Citizen And, here's a couple of pix I snapped with my trusty point and shoot.
Here's a couple of photos from the Ottawa Citizen...
Here's this morning's review in the Ottawa Citizen And, here's a couple of pix I snapped with my trusty point and shoot.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
And Then The Fight Started...
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust. And then the fight started.
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiney that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started.
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive... so, I took her to a gas station... And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started...
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!' So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the fight started...
merci Ruth
The Twilight Zone
Politics Makes For Strange Bedfellows
Sometimes 3 Heads Are Better Than One...This Isn't One Of Them
Sometimes 3 Heads Are Better Than One...This Isn't One Of Them
Monday, December 1, 2008
Vive La Biere Libre
Only in Canada! Outsiders will be excused for wondering just what the hell Canadians are drinking these days. Well we now may know what's behind the political shenanigans.First the Liberals, who were soundly trounced in the recent general election are angling to defeat the governing Conservatives and form a coalition government with the rump New Democratric Party and the lock-step support of the separatist Bloc-Quebecois - a regional Quebec-only political party. So we may soon have a separatist influenced national government.
If that weren't enough, there's a company out to upset the national beer market in the country with the launch of L'Independante beer! It's a move the Globe and Mail refers to as "brewing up support for sovereignty".
