30 Minus 2 Days of Writing III - Day 1

Gouda

It was cold and the rain was coming down in buckets. The fact that it was dark didn't help matters. Unfortunately it made it difficult to spot the buckets.

I stepped across the threshold and into the It's On The House pub. I shook the rain from my coat like a wet lab, apologizing to the couple at the closest table.

It's On The House wasn't really the name of this joint. It was actually called Rover's Rump. I called it On The House because the barkeep served me free beer. It's part of what one comes to expect when you're a hard-boiled homicide cop like me. Although, I'm not sure why people call cops like me hard-boiled. I mean if I were an egg, I'd still crack, right? Although I have been known to crack myself up from time to time. I guess it just goes with the territory, like those free drinks.

"Hey, Inspector, how's it going?" said Joe the barkeep. Have you ever noticed that all the best barkeeps are named Joe?

"Set 'em up Joe. It's not fit for man or beast out there and I'm as thirsty as a Foreign Legion cadet on a 7 day march."

"I keep telling you my name's Paddy not Joe," said Joe as he poured me a Pabst with a whiskey chaser - a little concoction I'd come to affectionately call the Pabst Test because, lord knows, after a few it tested my sobriety.

I'm sorry. I don't think I formally introduced myself yet. I'm an Inspector working out of the Cheese Shop. It's not really the Cheese Shop. That's just what we call police HQ because it's on the edge of town. Yeah, that's right…it's whey out there. We must be the only police department in the world who can't say "Okay, we're taking you downtown".

And I'm Jack Gouda. Inspector Jack Gouda.

"So, Jack, how's tricks?" says Joe.

"I'll tell you in my own sweet time," I says.

Says Joe, who isn't Joe, with a somewhat absurdist look on his face, "Then I guess I'll be waiting for Gouda."

So this is part one of a twenty-eight part serial throughout the month of February. I'm a big fan of hard-boiled detectives and crime fiction so I decided to try my hand at my own little tale. This is how I intend to address the month's daily prompts as dreamed up by Nicky and Mike at We Work For Cheese. Get yourself on over there and check out the links to see how the rest of those poor bastards covered off today's prompt. Oh, and, hey, don't forget to come back tomorrow for Part II of our continuing story. Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Oh, wait, that's a whole other story.