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Showing posts from June, 2009

The HBDC Virtual Tour Stops in Ottawa (2)

Welcome back to the second day of our tour of the capital of Canada, Ottawa. I've lived here for well over 40 years, so I know many of the highlights (and lowlifes) of both Ottawa and Gatineau . For example, when I was much younger I would cross the border to haunt some of the late night bars with other lowlifes on the Quebec side of the border in what, prior to amalgamation , was once known as Hull. Then they razed the bars and built office towers in which I worked in as an adult! Such is progress. For both the landscape and me! HIGHLIGHTS The Ottawa region is truly one of the most beautiful places on earth. The canal, bike paths and greenbelt (a ring of undeveloped land around the city) add to the natural majesty of the region. Museums, art galleries, world-class restaurants, an NHL team, the National Arts Center and blues, jazz and folk festivals provide just some of the options for entertainment. In the region, there’s something for every season. In the spring it’s a magnifice

The HBDC Virtual Road Trip Stops In Ottawa

Welcome to the latest stop on the Humor Bloggers Dot Com virtual road trip. It’s been a long haul getting here, beginning almost a month ago in the city we Canadians all love to hate – Toronto. Or, as the locals there say “Trawnta”. Check out the right-hand column over there to see where the tour has traveled thus far. and then, sit back, put your feet up. And for the next little while enjoy the sights associated with the jewel of our nation, its capital. The National Capital Region includes Ottawa, Ontario - Canada’s capital - and neighbouring Gatineau on the Quebec side of the Ottawa River. I live in western Gatineau in a community known as Aylmer, a stone’s throw from Parliament Hill, the seat of government. They call it the seat of government after the asses that run our country. And as for throwing stones, I’ve tried but the rocks I heave always fall short. But I digress. Aylmer is a microcosm of our nation where Francophones (60%) and Anglophones (40%) live in peace and harmony

Sunday Funnies

*Note: Due to a technical glitch this post should have posted June 28th. Sorry for the inconvenience. In a bit of a departure, this week Sunday Funnies takes a look at how the editorial cartoonists, over the years, treated the self-proclaimed King of Pop, Michael Jackson. Here's a bit of a different retrospective of Jackson, who died Thursday at the age of 50.

The Dangling Conversation

There's a debate underway in my household between my wife and I. I say "underway" because it hasn't quite reached the "raging" stage. If you want raging, my wife (a Francophone) and I (an Anglophone) from time to time (usually in a weak moment of my own making) slip into our number one discussion around why we don't speak more French at home - ergo - when am I, a former public servant who learned French at the expense of our gracious taxpayers and was technically rated bilingual (even though I hardly used it), going to improve my use of Canada's other language? This one never gets resolved, hence it's ongoing nature. But the current debate is over a remark I casually made the other day. I'm no geek, but with a lot of time on my hands I surf the web, converse on Facebook and such and - I have to admit - "I'm nonamedufus and I'm a Twitterholic". In an epiphany-like moment I was struck by the apparent impact of social networkin

Gone Fishin'

I'm off for the wilds of near Northern Ontario for the next little while to get in a little fishin'. It's our annual trip to Lake Temagami and hopefully more than the mosquitos are biting. In the meantime, through the magic of post-dated articles, I've left a few humourous morsels for you. In particular, tune in Monday and Tuesday June 29th and 30th as the Humour Blogger Dot Com Virtual Tour rolls into Ottawa and I get to guide you around our nation's capital region. Mounties and tulips and politicians - oh my! In the meantime, Happy Canada Day and for my American friends Happy July 4th and I'll see you in a week or so.

When Celebrities Go Bad

The social networking phenomenon known as Twitter has its good side and bad side. The good side has been evident over the last several weeks as a social networking platform few know about has become basically the only way for protesting Iranians to let the rest of the world know just what is going on in their country - a country where the state has taken control of every other technology. The dark side? That's exposed everytime celebrities tweet. Now remember twittering is limited by 140 characters of text. In the hands of many celebrities that's 140 characters too many! We've all heard of Ashton Kutcher - Mr. Demi Moore - and his over one million followers. I admit I'm one of them but for the life of me following @aplusk is like watching Star Trek, where no intelligent life form exists. Then there's Oprah. Just her name generates followers both on and off Twitter. An assistant periodically provides vapid comments in Oprah's name. Shaq, the friendly giant basket

US and Them #8

People are still talking about the Kung Fu-like reflexes President Obama displayed last week when, in the midst of a television interview, he delivered a fatal blow to a frisky fly. I for one admire the guy. The incident reminded me of a childhood reaction of mine and my buddies to annoying flies. We used to try and catch the buzzing buggers in our hands, shake our clenched fists and then watch them try to fly away with often times hilarious results. The trick to this is to actually catch the fly first and I never could. When I saw the video of Obama I yelled, “He da man, he da man! I mean, how cool is that. The supreme leader of the free world has ninja-like moves that put Chuck Norris to shame. Right on. But the President’s predatory prowess didn’t sit well with everyone. PETA, those putzes for the ethical treatment of animals, condemned the President. In a news release they said: “We support compassion even for the most curious, smallest and least sympathetic animals,” PETA spokesm

Sunday Funnies/Happy Father's Day

There were several issues that caught the imagination of Canadian editorial cartoonists this week. The Iranian election, the game of chicken between the minority-governing Conservatives and the Opposition Liberals over the possibility of a Canadian summer election, and the travails of RIM co-founder Jim Basillie in his attempts to bring the Phoenix Coyotes to Hamilton, Ontario... And it's Father's Day. If my Dad were alive he'd appreciate this. I inherited his warped sense of humour. Happy Father's Day, Dad. On Being a Father... Red Buttons Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Jimmy Piersal , on how to diaper a baby Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then, fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher's mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again. Ernest Hemi

Dancin' Fool

In the mid 60s "Freak Out", a double album, snuck onto the charts. It was the debut of Frank Zappa and The Mothers of Invention . The band has gone through considerable changes throughout the years and included such muscians as jazz violinist Jean-Luc Ponty and singers Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan from the Turtles who used the stage names "The Phlorescent Leech and Eddie". Dancin Fool is from yet another incarnation of the Mothers and off 1979's Sheik Yerbouti . The song is Zappa's commentary on the-then disco scene Dont know much about dancin Thats why I got this song One of my legs is shorter than the other and both my feets too long course now right along with em I got no natural rhythm But I go dancin every night Hopin one day I might get it right Im a dancin fool, Im aDancin fool I hear that beat; I jump outa my seat, But I can't compete, cause Im aDancin fool, Im aDancin fool The disco folks all dressed up Like theys fit t

The Muffin Man, the Muffin Man

If you were asked to caption this picture, what the hell would you say? Well, Chica over at Lady Sarcasm (visit her blog; she's hilarious!) posed that question earlier this week. I thought and I thought of what the heck I could come up with. I think my first attempt was along the lines of "Bob swore he'd never drop acid at Disneyland again". And guess what? It went over like a lead balloon. But I prevailed and it was my second attempt that vaulted me past all the other bloggers and into FIRST place! "Gary's wish had come true. He really and truly was a stud muffin now." And looky, looky at what I won: the coveted Kickass Captioner award! This is one of thee most distinguished awards in all of the interwebs . I shall display it with pride! Thanks, Chica. This is my second award this week. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket!

Little Bit O' Soul

Garage rockin' one-hit wonders Music Explosion issued a great song in 1967 and quickly faded from sight. While, branded one of the early bubblegum musical groups, A Little Bit O' Soul was a catchy tune that hit #2 on the Billboard Hot 100 and earned Music Explosion a gold record. Highlights of this lip-synced performance include the drum-kit and the invisible organist... Note to readers/listeners This is the last 60s music post on nonamedufus . Tomorrow will be the final 70s post. But don't fear, I've created a music blog, accessible from the sidebar on this page called dufusdownbeat where I've moved all the musical content to. dufusdownbeat is where you'll find my 60s and 70s weekly features as well as articles and clips from artists celebrating birthdays and other milestones and links to interesting music sites. While humour and music remain my passions, I've merely decided to hive one off from the other and make each blog cleaner and more focused. I

Poop Power

In this age of high gasoline prices and oil shortages one's mind often turns to a.s.e. - alternative sources of energy. In particular, we often hear the phrase "go green". But in this story a.s.e may well stand for ass source of energy. Read on to see how one community plans to "go brown". In Manchester England they're tooting, make that touting, toilet power as the fuel of the future where the city's loos will help contribute to local gas supplies. Hey, mi gasa es tu gasa! Two companies - United Utilities Group and National Grid - plan to turn a by-product of the wastewater treatment plant at Davyhulme in Manchester, northwest England into gas for the local gas network and fuel for a fleet of sludge tankers. The companies have come up with one of the all-time greatest euphamisms for their product. In lieu of "shit" they're calling it "biomethane". Gee, next time I want to get out of doing the dinner dishes I'll say "Sorr

Your Humble Award-Winning Braggart, er, ah, Blogger

I won another one. Yep. My blogging buds the Dyer Boys have bestowed upon me their prestigious "Twinsy". Who are the Dyer Boys? As the boys, themselves, like to say on their blog : Philip (L) and Douglas (R) are self-described as "the funniest pair to come out of Louisiana since Britney Spears". And here's my award: This is the photo the boys ran: And this was my line that they judged as "the least crappy caption" (way to build up a guy's confidence fellas!) "Okay, we found the car. Has anyone seen 38 clowns?" Thanks, Dyer Boys! The runners-up, or crappier captions, can be found here .

US and Them #7

There are few issues more controversial in Canada and around the world than the annual seal hunt that takes place in the waters and on the ice floes off Atlantic Canada. The bloody images, the heated rhetoric, the impassioned defences all combine in a familiar rite that pits governments and sealers against animal rights groups. So begins an article on . For years now the Canadian seal hunt has pissed off people around the world - including attention-seeking pop-star Paul McCartney and his ex-wife, the one-legged model (she said she was anti-sealing, but she didn't have a leg to stand on) - and groups from PETA (Putzes for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) to Greenpeace to the European Union. Every year as seal hunters prepare for their annual cull, Canadians – known worldwide as those polite “eh” saying apologists - take a deep breath and don’t exhale until the seal hunt season is over. Why? They’re waiting for the latest global reaction that craps on Canada as a bunch of

Canada - Fewer Twits Per Square Mile

Hey, Yanks, don't go calling Canadians a bunch of twits. You know not of what you speak. There are times I think I spend too much time on the computer. I spend considerable time on this blog, at and reading the blogs of friends and cyber-colleagues as well as managing my Facebook page, listening to , watching You Tube videos, sending and receiving e-mails, and sending and receiving "tweets" or Twittering. Now I find Twitter kind of cool. You can follow colleagues, sports figues like NBA star Shaq, movie stars like Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and Kevin Spacey, recording artists such as John Mayer and Weird Al and late night talk-show hosts like Jimmy Fallon. You can even follow the musings, er, ah, tweets of... Seems, however, that in the Twitter universe, at least, I'm a minority. The Globe and Mail newspaper reported last week on the findings of a recent survey by the polling firm Ipsos Reid . They found that 1 in 100 Canadians use Twit

The Sunday Funnies

Well, the pickings were plentiful for Canadian editorial cartoonists last week. Natural Resources Minister Lisa Raitt, not content to leave secret documents behind in a TV studio felt her 15 minutes of fame needed to be extended and commented into a mistakenly recording tape recorder that the shortage of medical isotopes to help treat cancer patients was a "sexy issue" that would look good on her if she solved it. The same aide who lost the documents also lost the tape recorder that a reporter finally listened to after it sat in his office for 5 months. Gable of the Globe and Mail had some fun with this issue. The fall out over North Korea's nuclear missile continued. The Ottawa Citizen's CAM had a unique perspective of the impact on the USA. CAM also had some fun with the hockey playoffs coming to a close. We end the week with two portrayals of federal Transport and Infrastructure Minister John Baird. Somewhat of a pit bull at the best of times, Baird was ove