nonamedufus

My toilet was on the fritz so I called a plumber. When the doorbell rang I was surprised the repairman was a woman. And she was gorgeous. No American standard, believe me. She told me her name was Fawcett.  I thought "Yep, I'd tap that." I was struck dumb. I flushed in embarrassment. But she didn't seem to notice and plunged into her work. I had to crane my neck to see what she was doing. I asked if she could use any help. She said she could handle it. But I knew she was having a tough time of it 'cause she nearly blew a gasket. She about bowled me over because she swore like a stevedore. Whatever floats your boat, I thought. And then I thought if she'd taken elocution lessons they'd surely gone to waste. Oh, well. For me, though, it was like water off a duck's back. I wasn't offended. There was no chance that I'd sewer. She reached into her bag and pulled out a can of motor oil; an odd item to fix a toilet with. I sai...

I don't know about you but when I go to the bathroom, I, um, erm, ah, go to the bathroom. Frankly, I'm in there for a reason and nothing's gonna come between me and my, un, relief. When I was a kid, I knew a guy that used to practice his clarinet on the toilet. No that's not a euphemism. If you came to the door to call on him and heard the clarinet you knew where he was. His Dad said he spent so much time on the toilet seat he had a ring around his ass. I wonder if it wasn't a ploy to mask his grunts and groans as he did his business? He'd never admit to it. I came across a survey this week about what people do in the bathroom. It seems I'm in the minority. Whereas I'm there to do my business, most people are there for another purpose. The folks from Georgia-Pacific make Quilted Northern toilet paper and conducted a survey into people's bathroom habits. Seems folks are more sociable in the John than on Facebook. I guess you could say they're gett...