nonamedufus

THE PERSPIRATION ROOM By Uni Blogger and nonamedufus “I’m Tiger Howitzer and you’re in the Perspiration Room.” (sound of toilet flushing) Voice off camera: “Five minutes Mr. Howitzer!” “Geez, the acoustics in here are fabulous. I should do the show from here.” I shouldn't have had the brocolli. Anybody got a toothpick? “Today on the Perspiration Room…A bronze statue of Helen Keller was unveiled at the U.S. Capitol recently as lawmakers praised her as a trailblazer and an inspiration for those with disabilities. Let’s go to reporter Ivanna Humpewe” “Thanks, Tiger. ‘Some are still dismissed and cast aside for nothing more than being less than perfect,’ Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, the Republican member from Kentucky said at the unveiling ceremony. But legislators here have cast Helen Keller in bronze.” Tiger… “Thanks, Ivanna. You really had to hand it to Helen Keller, didn’t you, Ivanna?” “Well, yes, Tiger, she was blind.” “Okay, Ivanna, thanks for that report. I’m simpl...

This is the prequel that for some odd reason didn't make it to the big screen. Sincerest apologies to Gene Roddenberry and J.J. Abrams. (Kirk voice over opening titles) Kirk: Stardate 1964.5. The hall was full that night – a sell-out. The Stratford gig playing Henry V was good training to take me where no actor has gone before: doing future pitch work for, oh, I dunno, maybe Kellogg’s All Bran or priceline dot com. (cut to Kirk on stage) And God forbid, my dear and faithful lord, That you should fashion, wrest, or bow your reading, Or nicely charge your understanding soul With opening titles miscreate, whose right Suits not in native colours with the truth... (Spock arrives via transporter effect) Spock: But, Captain, that would be illogical...indeed Shakespearian dialogue has always to me been illogical. Kirk: Where in blazes did you come from? How did you just...appear?! Spock: Well, Captain, I was reviewing some back issues of Popular Mechanics and... Kirk: Never mind Spock. H...