nonamedufus

I'm back! Miss me? An extended illness and hospital stay prevented me from posting since the middle of June but I have nevertheless been reading up a storm. Four books in June and six in July puts me at 25 for the year - half way towards my end of year goal of 50. I started June with Lust and Wonder(****) by Augusten Burrows, an author I've been reading since his Running With Scissors hilariously described his sorrowful childhood. This wasn't quite as good but nevertheless entertaining. I then moved on to a trilogy recommended by a former colleague - the Lewis Trilogy(****) about a cop in northern Scotland. The Black House, The Lewis Man and The Chess Men filled the rest of my June's reading. July saw me complete the the final volume of the Stephen King Trilogy, begun with Mr. Mercedes, titled appropriately enough End of Watch(****). As well, Jeffrey Archer's 6th instalment of the Clifton Chronicles - Cometh The Hour(*****) - came out and I devo...

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park. Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete." Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing. "There once was a king very wise Who spoke to his enemies in ...

Two Jamaicans meet on the street and recognize each other. They fall into a little discussion. #1: "Ya, mawn good to see you derr my friend." #2: "Ya, mawn me too, derr. How ya been doin' mawn?" #1: "It is what it is, mawn. Ya know? Been doin' not much. How 'bout you?" #2 "Life be good ya know mawn? I been doin' not much neither my friend." #1: "That be the life, mawn. You know?' #2: "Oh, I know, my mawn. I know." #1: "Say nice dreads my mawn. How long it take ya to grow dem?" #2: "Oh, deese? About five years, mawn, yeah. But look at yours, dey be much longer dan mine, man. Ya might even say dey be more dreadful dan mine mawn." #1: "Yeah, me mawn it take about seven years for deese dreads ." #2: "Hey mawn ya got any ghanja? I been needin' me a good hit for some time now." #1: "Ya know I do mawn. And I always got a bit to share with a brot...

Junior: "Those clouds are getting dark." Daddy: "Ya reckon?" Junior: "Yep, and the wind's bound to pick up." Daddy: "Ya reckon?" Junior:  "Yep, and just look at the leaves on those trees inside out. It's bound to rain soon." Daddy: "Ya reckon?" Junior: "Yep, I think we ought to get the family down to the storm cellar." Daddy: "Ya reckon?" Junior: "Yep, cause storm winds can blow really strong and turn into twisters." Daddy: "Ya reckon?" Junior: "And the rain could cause a flood." Daddy: "Ya reckon?" Junior: "Yep, and if we don't do something soon that wind and rain will pulverize the house and barn on and on until little's left of them," Daddy: "Yeah, wreck on and on and on, I guess." The prompt from the folks at Studio30+ this week was reckon/guess . And I reckon I pass the test. Click on the link ...

My God how time flies. It's already June and I'm way behind being on track for fifty books this year. I read four in May bringing my year-to-date total to 15. What were the four? Well, I started the month with a quick read titled George Harrison Reconsidered. The title itself appealed to me because I always felt Harrison was the overlooked Beatle; that he had a lot of talent that people never spoke about or gave him credit for. My only problem with this book was that it was far too short. (3 stars) Book two was The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood. Similar in feel to her recent MaddAddam Trilogy, the Guardian describes it as "a jubilant comedy of errors, bizarre bedroom farce. SF prison-break thriller, psychedelic 60s crime caper". Now I ask you how can you turn that down. I didn't and enjoyed it immensely. (4 stars) My third book was Dropping The Needle - The Vinyl Dialogues Volume II. Not unlike volume one I found this disappointing. When you...

Captains Smug and Vainglorious sat comfortably in the pilot seats of their Martian spacecraft. A successful lift off had propelled them thousands of light years close to earth.  As they neared the great planet Smug declared smugly "Time to take the ship off auto-pilot" to which Vainglorious replied somewhat vaingloriously "I thought you'd never do that." They each regarded the other with arched eyebrows which both had come to accept as code for 'nuff said'. As the exit door opened they both strode toward the gangplank but found they could not disembark side by side. Smug and Vainglorious had not run into this problem with other space captains such as Captain Humble, Captain Unsure or Captain Modest. Although shifts with Captain Pompous and Captain Stuck Up had proven challenging. So arching their eyebrows at one another they decided to dismount the ship sideways, face-to-face. It's not that Smug and Vainglorious didn't like each other it...

It was a Friday night and after months of unsuccessful attempts at the dating site scene Billy Goodbar  decided to visit a bar or two. He went out alone as he really had no friends to accompany him - a fact Bill had failed to consider in his failed attempts to make friends with the opposite sex on eHarmony, Match.com and Desperate and Lonely. So where some might leave in a huff, Bill chose a cab to take him downtown to the busy bar district. Bill walked up the sidewalk of one side of the street and down the other, not unlike a tourist on  brightly lit Bourbon Street New Orleans. A shy, lonely fellow with no friends Bill was in the third season of  binge-watching TREME and he felt like a character in the show as the soundtrack flooded round his head over and over Bill decided he could not wait any more and as he looked up at the fancy lit signs chose Alphonse's Bar - Live Music. He suspected the Dead had been through town last week. Bill tripped over the doorsill as...

Bob and Ray were out for a leisurely stroll on a back country road. The sky was blue. The sun was high in a cloudless sky. The birds were chirping merrily. The crickets were happily rubbing their legs together. Now I know what image that last statement conjures up but get your mind out of the gutter and back on the road. Bob and Ray joined in with the sounds of nature and hummed an old folk tune My Shoe's Got A Hole In It And My Foot Hurts Like Shit. Bob and Ray were a couple of religious fellows which is why the hummed the song and didn't sing the lyrics. Just when the two friends thought nothing could interrupt this idyllic interlude the sound of approaching horses did just that. Clop, clop, clop...the horses drew nearer and a wonderful whistle could be heard, at odds with the boys' humming. The two stepped to the side of the road, not quite so far as some of you strayed earlier, to let the horses and the wagon they were leading to pass. But instead, the whistler...

I'm 64 and hate to admit that I've been a lapsed Catholic for a good many years. I think my decision to leave the Church was like the straw that broke the camel's back when, as a teenager, my parish priest singled me out during mass to tell me what page we were on in the hymnal. A teenager, I had better things to do to follow along in the hymnal. Like check out the girls in the pews around me. At least I wasn't sneaking out for a smoke with my buddies. So at my age my memory's a little hazy but I can recall my days as an altar boy in my early teens. These were the days before they turned the altars around where the pedophiles had to face the congregation while saying mass.  (Did I just say that out loud?) Funny, being an altar boy to me back then was like going to Cubs or playing baseball. It was just another one of those past-times. It was a little inconvenient to be an altar boy. We had to rise early because we served mass Monday through Saturday at 7am eac...

Having binge-watched three seasons of The Sopranos I have to confess I didn't get much reading done in April. Finding a series you really get into and watching episode after episode is a considerable addiction. The bed goes unmade. The dishes pile up in the sink. All else stops while life goes on on what used to be referred to as the small screen and today I guess would be referred to as the flat screen. So if The Sopranos wasn't enough I also undertook what's been referred to as the Jo Nesbo Three Book Bundle. I found this on iBooks and it seemed like a cheap way to buy three Harry Hole detective novels. The three in question are The Snowman, Phantom, The Leopard. You have to love Harry Hole to read three stories in a row. And I do. Nesbo's portrayal of, in these books, the now retired police detective's failings as an anti-hero, anti-authoritarian alcoholic and workaholic endear him not only to his police colleagues but also to the reader. So I''m...

Bob the Zombie had nothing but bad luck. When he went to a hockey game there was always a face off in the corner. When he went to see his divorce lawyer he was told he didn't have a leg to stand on. A comedian, he often visited the hospitals in search of sick jokes. His jokes were so bad he rarely got a hand. But he worked so hard that even though his jokes were rotten he was often dead on his feet. Often when he returned home late from performing his wife would give him the cold shoulder. Often they would  fight and no one would really win because there'd be a dead tie. Although his wife often came near winning with her shouts of "You wanna piece of me?" The only thing that kept Bob going was the thought of his new girlfriend Rachel, who he really liked  for her brains. Yep, and she was pretty smart too. He had agreed to meet her at the bar that night called the Revenant and to settle his nerves he ordered a zombie and sat at the bar. About twenty ...

One day Anthony died and awoke at the gates of heaven. "I'm in" he no sooner thought to himself when a booming, castigating voice said "Not so fast Anthony. It's not as simple as that".   Anthony turned in search of the voice and stopped when he came across a less than five footed bearded man in flowing white robes. "You Peter? laughed Anthony. "That's right my son and that laugh is already one strike against you." "Oh I'm so sorry St Peter. Please forgive me. But understand you weren't what I was expecting." "That's not all you weren't expecting" said Peter with a wink of his eye. "Heaven is split into six sections and we decide which section arrivals will be placed. Follow me and I'll explain." Peter called for a golf cart and took Anthony on a little excursion. Their first stop was Eh Heaven. "That's where all the Canadians are" said Peter. "Of course, eh...

George looked across at Bob. Both were bent over pant-ing, puff-ing in and out rapidly. The race they had just run had ended in a tie. Damn, George thought, isn't that dandy. Bob was pleased that he'd skirted failure. But he decided to button his lips and keep quiet. Fred sat alone in the stands crumpling his receipt. He'd bet his money on George to win. A tie left him feeling short-shirted. The race was tailored to create problems with no sure winner. Since George and Bob had tied for first the rest of the runners had been suspendered from the next step. A run-off, not a fashionable activity, would nevertheless be required. A run-off was custom-made to determine a winner. The two runners would be hard pressed to refuse to compete after all that each had in-vested in training for this event. Bob had pumped iron while George had done push ups. Both had dressed-up the plans of their coaches and worked at them harder than a one armed employee of a steam shop.. Both ...

I managed to get two books read in March. Greg Iles's Natchez Burning and Robert Crais' s 20th episode of the exploits of private eye Elvis Cole and his associate Joe Pike, The Promise. Natchez Burning was a lengthy novel. Over 1200 pages on my Kindle. But it was worth it. It's an amazing tale of the civil rights movement in the American south both in years gone by and years present. A good but a long read. And my brother Steve had recommended this to me some months ago. He liked it so much, he tells me, he took an 800 mile detour on his holiday, just to visit the site where the majority of the novel takes place! The Promise, for me the latest in the Elvis Cole series, rates right up there with the rest. This time around a K-9 drug dog joins in on the action. A satisfying read when it coms to the crime/P.I. genre, which I love. Only two books this month bringing my yearly total to 8. Slowing my reading down is binge-watching TV series such as House of Cards and Ho...

It was a dark and stormy night and as dense as a London fog. As luck would have it Bob was late getting home, where he was looking forward to being as snug as a bug in a rug, because he was off course as the crow flies because he had to take the long road home as luck would have it. He thought of his wife Rose - a rose by any other name would smell so sweet - and regretted leaving his cell phone charging on his desk at work. He decided that was a bad call but that thinking about it was like beating a dead horse. He hoped his wife would like her anniversary present but he knew beauty was in the eye of the beholder. He hoped she didn't think beggars can't be choosers because he'd been there done that with his first wife Mabel. Mabel had been behind the the times, far from the belle of the ball and a knife or two short of the cutlery drawer. Anyway, as he sat in the detoured traffic he knew he'd be better late than never and in terms of Rose, his second wife, it...

I really have no idea how to begin this post. I've been staring at a blank screen with many thoughts swirling in my mind about someone I knew as Nicky F. Nicky was a blogger from Montreal who I first met through an on-line humour bloggers site. She was hilarious and we would often exchange barbs - all in good fun of course - in contests of who could top whom. Funny how many words we exchanged in the name of humour and now at her passing I struggle to find the right words. You know that term "work wife", someone of the opposite sex you work with closely. Well I'd like to think of Nicky as my blogging wife (sorry Ziva Moon). Funny how you can feel so close to someone without actually meeting them but her writing and commenting just made you feel like her best friend. So this relationship went on for some years until it evolved into a Facebook friendship. She blogged less end less but kept up her acerbic comments on Facebook - comments you absolutely had to respon...

"Do you know about the equinox?" expressed  Elizabeth. "The equinox, really?" replied Rachel. "Isn't that a new car by Chevy?" "No, no, no" nattered Nathan. "The equinox has to do with the change of season in the spring and the fall". That's right, responded Richard. "It marks the two times a year the sun is directly over the equator." "Yeah, the equinoxes along with the solstices" said Sam, "are directly related to the seasons of the year". "And come the fall equinox" Edward expressed " the days grow shorter". "And with the equinox in the spring" suggested Suzy "the days grow longer". Well everyone thought this was just marvellous. They'd all put their heads together and worked out the story of the seasonal equinoxes. There was just one question. "Do the number of summer daylight hours equal the number of winter hours in the dark?...

Dave and Nancy had been looking forward to this comedy show all week. Longer even, since they purchased their tickets several months ago.  They loved stand-up comedians and this Robin Williams Back From The Dead event was no exception. I mean how great could it be? Tasteless, ghoulish and Robin Williams all rolled into one. They handed over their tickets to the man on the comedy club door and sought out a small table for two near the stage. As Nancy got settled Dave went off to get a couple of beers. He arrived back just as the light's grew dim. The two clanked their long-neck bottles, mouthed "cheers" and each took a swig. "Do you think God gets stoned? I think so" claimed the first funnyman. "Look at a Platypus" he concluded. The line prompted a few sniggers throughout the room. "In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say: 'Stop of I...

The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight The stars they twinkled in the dark of night The moon was full and lit the way One could clearly see where the headstones lay The night was silent save for the sound Of the rustle of tools on our mission bound Shovels and picks, a hoe or two Something to dig with, that would do We'd hatched our plan several weeks before Sitting at the table by the door Several half empty quarts and some brave debate Had led us here to the cemetery's gate Our pal Pat had just been laid to rest A friend of ours - the very best Cut down in life far too young For the rest of us life had just begun We readied our tools at the side of the grave Poised above the earth feeling brave On your mark get set we started to dig The hole we dug wasn't very big Grave-robbing was our much-planned intent But we came about with something we hadn't meant Instead of rescuing the body whole It was only Pat's head that we stole And wh...

February was pretty much a dud in terms of reading. Not so much what I read but how much I read. I completed two books in February; Purity by Jonathan Franzen and Still Alice by Lisa Genova. The first was a recommendation by a Facebook friend. I'd never read Franzen's stuff before. This was a lengthy tale which tied the central character, Purity, to various other characters and story lines. I liked it. It held my attention and was well written.  Nothing to get overly excited about but easy enough to read. You may have seen the movie that was based on my second book, starring Julianne Moore. It's about a cognitive psychology university professor with alzheimer's disease. The story is so detailed it makes you feel that it's non-fiction as it takes you through the impact of the disease on not only her but on her husband and children. This was an excellent read, though very, very sad. Only two books this month for a total of 6t this year. I fear my binge-watc...