Barnyard Buffet or How I Got Finger-Fooded Into Frightful Farm Puns

Chuck entered the room and made a bee-line for the banquet table. As he crossed the room intent on his goal his mind stopped to wonder why people called it a bee-line. Like why didn't they call it a sparrow line, or a hornet line, or a bat line although DC comics already had that one covered and copyrighted.

He stuck out his hand and scooped up a couple of his favourites: onion rings. But wait. His mind sounded the death knell on the onions once he spied the piggies in a blanket. "Hell, he thought to himself "piggies in a blanket can run rings around onion, oh, um, rings". Despite his poor command of the language he nevertheless thought piggies in a blanket was a smart term. You know, linking (get it?) the sausage to a pastry. Sounded much better than cocktail weenies. I mean, after all, what grown man wants to ask people to pass them the cocktail weenies. The phrase sounds so, so, um, diminutive, right? Embarrassing for sure. Imagine going to a baseball game and asking the vendor down a long row of screaming men "Excuse me sir but how much are your cocktail weenies?" Like that's gonna happen.

Chuck knew a few people and he nodded casually to them as he continued to clean the plate of cocktail...erm...piggies in a blanket.

But his hostess, outstanding in her field (notice agricultural reference) as a home chef, was on the ball and Sownya (notice bovine reference there) hoofed it out of the kitchen with another serving of the precious finger sausages. Chuck was relieved. More piggies in a blanket. And Sownya was over the moooon that someone was enjoying her piggies in a blanket.

"Good crowd" snorted Chuck. "Yes" said Sownya "Bill managed to coral most of the neighbours, I think"

"What is that dipping sauce?" marvelled Chuck. "Ranch" crowed Sownya. "Of course" clucked Chuck.

At that point Bill sidled up to Sownya and introduced himself to Chuck.

As the conversation continued Bill at one point almost accidentally dropped his plate but managed in a clever move to catch it before it fell to the floor, thus saving his links from becoming piggies in a carpet. And then in one smooth move he wolfed them down. (obscure reference here)

"Adroit" cried Chuck somewhat astonished.

Bill not having herd (spelling mistake intended to convey farm reference) the comment correctly he crowed at Chuck "Say, is that anywhere near Detroit?"

"Geez" thought Chuck (most obscure reference next) "What is this, Wheel of Fortune?" Then, thinking he'd have some fun he replied "As a matter of fact yes. You just pass through C-droit, turn right at B-droit and five miles down the road is adroit."

As they all laughed at Chuck's witty retort, Sownya slowly swallowed what she'd been chewing on since the beginning of the party, turned to her husband, and beaming proudly (both beams), she sucked in her breath, stuck out her teats and whispered "Those were not the droits we were looking for, were they."

The prompt was adroit/clever from Studio30+ - witty and skillful that my friends over there are. I hope I've done them proud.

The Polka Dot Door

A long time ago, when I was 22, my first child was born. That kid grew up on a little Canadian kid's show called Polka Dot Door, produced by the TV Ontario network. And Dad, more often than not, sat through those shows with his little one. Nine or so years later when a brother, and a year after that when a sister came along number one son was moving on to Knight Rider and The Dukes of Hazzard. But there was a nice overlap where his siblings picked up where he had left off with Polka Dot Door. And Dad was right there to welcome them. So you're looking at a Polka Dot Door veteran. The show began in 1971 and ran to 1993. I didn't watch the full run but I did get in my fair share. The formula was pretty simple. A young male and female host, which seemed to change every week, sang songs, told stories, made crafts and generally did their best stimulate little brains. The show opened as follows... Imagination Day! Oh boy! ...

Hello Goodbye

Today a bit of a reflective piece. Rather than being funny, this is about the funny. It's a day of mixed emotion at nonamedufus . You see, after several months of inactivity I've dropped a couple of former blogger buddies off my blog roll. I kept hanging on and hanging on hoping they'd return to active blogging but, alas, after waiting in one case five months I've decided to let them go. I'm going to miss - going to? I have been missing - Margo at the Screaming Me-Me . She was one funny lady. From time to time she and I would engage in a feud or two for several days at a time but it was all in fun both for us and, I think, for our readers. And we'd leave each other funny comments, poking fun at each other. I miss her friendship and our humorous exchanges. The other blogger I'm letting go is Chelle, The Offended Blogger . Chelle was a special lady. In addition to her own blog she created and managed Humor Bloggers Dot Com where humour bloggers like m...

The Dangling Conversation

There's a debate underway in my household between my wife and I. I say "underway" because it hasn't quite reached the "raging" stage. If you want raging, my wife (a Francophone) and I (an Anglophone) from time to time (usually in a weak moment of my own making) slip into our number one discussion around why we don't speak more French at home - ergo - when am I, a former public servant who learned French at the expense of our gracious taxpayers and was technically rated bilingual (even though I hardly used it), going to improve my use of Canada's other language? This one never gets resolved, hence it's ongoing nature. But the current debate is over a remark I casually made the other day. I'm no geek, but with a lot of time on my hands I surf the web, converse on Facebook and such and - I have to admit - "I'm nonamedufus and I'm a Twitterholic". In an epiphany-like moment I was struck by the apparent impact of social networkin...

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