nonamedufus

One upon a time in the little suburb of Toronto known as Scarborough lived an 8 year-old who loved hockey. Back in the late 50s/early 60s, of course, the National Hockey League consisted of only 6 teams. Thanks to a magical electronic box in the corner of his living room little Noname would, from time to time, be allowed to stay up late and watch his revered Maple Leafs - hazy little black and white figures - skate from one end of the ice to the other and, more often than not, slam home a little black puck into their opponent's net. His heroes included goalie Johnny Bower and players Bobby Baun, Tim Horton, Eddie Shack, Bob Pulford, George Armstrong, Red Kelly, Dave Keon and his very favourite Frank Mahovlich. So taken was Noname with the Maple Leafs that he played street hockey with his friends every chance he got and his Dad would walk with him to the arena in winter where he played little league hockey. He played various positions. He played wing where he checked an opposing pla...

Who knew a coke-addled blonde babe could inspire so many great captions. But I'm dealing with you guys, so nothing should surprise me. It's too bad we can only limit ourselves to just some of the submissions. But here's a taste... I've tried snorting coke but the bubbles always get up my nose Josie I snort Diet Coke because I want to keep my girlish figure. Madge Purple Pamela used to do speedballs, but they made her stop sticking her head in front of the pitching machine. Then she tried moving on to horse, but wouldn't you know? Another concussion when it kicked her. KABLOOEY Finally, evidence that Coke's competitors tampered with their product before asking the public to take the Pepsi Challenge Whitey (from *spits* Toronto) But it was a previous winner and a former colleague of mine who had me snorting (laughing, that is - hey, humour's a natural high!) Harold Camping's disciple NostrilDamus confirms end of the world! Raymond Way to go Ray. You be han...

My wife gave me an iPad for my birthday. And now she won't give it back to me. Damn you Apple.

Is this how you do it? You tell me. Leave me your caption. We'll s(n)ort things out Saturday.

Hey, where's everybody else? Jesus got some splainin to do.

Did you all survive The Rapture? I don't know about you but I think I'm either dead or very hung over. Or maybe that's redundant. Could be my brother Whitey (from *spits* Toronto) and I did a little too much ignoring the end of the world and instead are well on our way in celebrating the long Victoria Day weekend. All in the name of research, mind you. We wanted to see exactly what two-four weekend was all about: Anyhoo, now that we know we'll have to start celebrating the fact that we've survived the rapture. While we get started on that, take a look at these... Now, having survived the end of the world, I'm not sure if I'll survive to the end of the weekend in *spits* Toronto. So I may or may not be back tomorrow. Stay tuned.

You guys never disappoint. I just keep throwing weird pictures out there and each week the captions get better and better. This week I have a dilemma. What with The Rapture and all I kind of got carried away and in a last ditch effort to demonstrate what a swell guy I am ('cause I heard the Lord was back and this time he's pissed) I've decided to proclaim two winners this week. When you see their captions I think you'll agree. First up our honourable mentions... If this looks painful, you should see which part of his body the other 37 clothespins are attached to. we took the bait Nathan the Nerd prepared for another wild evening of battling Sonic the Hedgehog. Boom Boom Larew Put on Broadway plays in your own home! Available for immediate shipment, the first release of Play-In-A-Box from Ronco - Lion King Edition. Call now operators are standing by. Bryant Hutchinson "I ran out of Pro-activ. I had to do something for my Pimples." Raymond And our winners? Osam...

Don't you love it when misguided parents drop weird names on their newborns? For example, did you know that while former president Eisenhower's parents named him Dwight, they called him Ike. The name stuck and people called him Ike throughout his whole life. Could be worse, I suppose. They could have called him Ick. Then his 1952 presidential campaign slogan might have been "I'm sick about Ick". Or worse yet, they could have called him Uck. I'll let you work out the campaign slogan of your choice. I remember a co-op student who worked for me once named Summer Breeze. I think her granola-induced parents must have dropped a tab before they came up with that one. Or else really liked Seals and Crofts . Anyway, a couple in Israel wanting to demonstrate their "love" for Facebook has just named their newborn daughter...are you ready?...Like. Ya, you read right. They named their daughter Like. What's up with that? Was her mother a Valley Girl or someth...

You ever wonder what someone means when they call someone a real pin head? Take a good look. Okay now that you've looked leave me a comment...or two...or three. We'll pinpoint a winner Saturday.

The surprising thing for me in the wake of the Bin Laden brouhaha? No it wasn't the discovery of porn in the hideaway. Although, with five wives lying about you have to ask yourself why? Nor was it the discovery of a marijuana crop. Hey, does it surprise you to learn the guy was stoned out of his mind? No I should have seen this coming but what surprised me was the speed with which it was done and the company that did it. I'm speaking, of course, of the news late last week that no sooner had Osama's remains sunk to the bottom of the Arabian Sea the Walt Disney Company sunk to a new low and moved to trademark the name of the elite special forces team that killed Osama Bin Laden, "Seal Team 6". Disney's trademark applications cover clothing, footwear, headwear, toys, games and "entertainment and education services" among other things. I think they've just about covered everything saving renaming their theme parks Osamaland. The news last week first...