nonamedufus

This week's pic showed how really twisted some of you guys are. We had a lot of good captions and many birthday and blogaversary wishes, too. Thanks guys. Okay let's see if we can unravel things. We'll start with some honourable mentions... Leroy finally figured out where that smell was coming from. Quirkyloon A possible side-effect resulting from the new and improved KY products? 00dozo I'm gonna hafta bow out of this one; the competition is just too twisted. ba_hutch And just like that, Rodney invented the highway off-ramp. (T-shirts and mugs now available) Whitey (via Facebook) Good one Jim, er, ah, Whitey but funnily enough Rodney er, ah, Moooooog wins this week with: If I could do this, I'd never leave the house. Way to go Moooooog. You be hangin' with dufus this week, literally. Thanks to everyone who took the time to leave a caption. Back again next Wednesday with another edition of Pause Ponder and Pun.

*whispers* Shhh! Come closer. I don't want to say this too loudly. Don't tell anyone. It's my birthday. Yep, I'm another year older. And so are my kidneys and bladder. So here's a little tune to observe my internal organs' birthday. It's based on Chicago's 25 or 6 to 4 .... Ready? Hit it! Dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh... dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh, dunh... (Okay so you try interpreting the opening of that song!) Can't wait for the break of day I've gotta go now, right away Bang against the bed my thigh Tears swell up I start to cry Running cross-legged across the floor Am I 59 or 64? Staring blindly at my knee It's dark and I squat to pee Wanting just to go to sleep My pj's down in a heap Should I try to pee some more Am I 59 or 64? Feeling like I ought to wake Today's the day I'll have cake And maybe some beers, we will see I'll prolly just have to pee Sit me near the bathroom door Am I 59 or 64? So if you haven't guessed yet ...

Well it's both my blogaversary and birthday this week so I'm a little bent out of shape. Well, that's what I'd say. What about you? C'mom back Saturday when we'll straighten this all out.

From what I can tell they started out in the early to mid 90s as threads, evolving into list-serves and diaries and finally weblogs or blogs. There are now more than 155 million blogs worldwide. That's boggling. Well it's blogging actually. And today marks the fourth year since I dipped my fingers into the blogosphere. Daunting to think there's so many other other bloggers out there. I started out in the spring of 2007 just sharing jokes and videos with friends and family and keeping them up to speed on developments having to do with my cancer. My regular readers will know I've had 2 bone marrow transplants since then and things are on the up and up. The blog, too, has improved - I like to think - evolving into a forum for my own special brand of humour and an ongoing humorous exchange of comments between me and my regular readers. So thanks for reading along folks. Some, like Sandie at Quirkyloon and Donnie at Beyond Left Field have been with me from the early days. ...

We had some excellent captions this week. First up, our honourable mentions... "Trust us, Joe. We just put a fresh coat of invisible paint on it." Moooooog Neil Armstrong rethinks his famous quote, "That's one giant step for man..." Boom Boom Larew STEP ON THE YELLOW LINE FAA's new test for pilots flying while under the influence. Raymond And our winner is... Joe, going on his first date with Wonder Woman, is a little leery about letting her drive. ba_hutch Way to go ba_hutch. This week you be hangin' with the dufus. Wanna get together and hunt for easter eggs?

Did you think this title referred to a post about: 1) Bigfoot? Get a haircut and get a real job 2) having a big foot or feet? A small alligator or a really big shoe? 3) footnotes? blah, blah, blah Lately I've been spending a lot of time reading. If you want to see the books I've gone through lately just click on the Books page at the top, there.* I've read some great and enjoyable books and recently expanded my horizons into history books. For example, I'm currently reading a biography about former Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau. I'm enjoying it as it describes a period in Canadian history close to 40 years ago when I wasn't really paying too much attention to politics.** Although in subsequent years, having worked as both a political journalist and a bureaucrat, I've grown to become a bit of a political junkie and am fascinated by what goes on behind the scenes. Now, while "Just Watch Me" by John English is a fascinating read for a politic...

Talk about a flight to nowhere! What's your take? Leave me a caption and we'll touch down with a winner Saturday. *** HEY! Speaking of flights to nowhere, jet on over to Parody Files today for my take on Gary Busey's departure from Celebrity Apprentice . In the thoughtful thespian's own words, "you'll be dancing on rainbow's" Oh, yeah.

PM Harper warms up for debate. I don't know what it is about us Canadians but we make it so easy for others to laugh at us. Is it our love of Tim Horton's coffee and donuts? What about that elegant gooey gourmet gloop of cheese curds, gravy and fries known as poutine? Could it be because our country is where the sport of hockey was born but we have precious few of our teams in the playoffs? Or maybe it's because our Prime Minister acts so damn presidential. During the current election campaign - oh, yeah, we're having an election here. Have you heard? Probably not. Stop me if this sounds familiar - our President, er, ah, Prime Minister has been accused of running a tightly controlled campaign from a bubble, tossing out "undesirables" from rally stops and limiting media questions to only 4 or 5 per event. His government is plagued by scandals, has been accused of misleading Parliament and Canadians and even Canadians snicker at him calling his party the Harper ...

Woah, guys. Your responses were over the top this week both in quantity and quality. A lot of hilarious comments, believe me. We even had one comment - an anonymous one - that indicated the photo wasn't funny and should be taken down. This person was quite perturbed. Now there's validation for ya. PPP really is off the wall and no topic is taboo around here! We're going to expand our honourable mentions this week because there were so many good ones. Now, where should we start? At this year's science fair, young Eric introduced man's newest travelling companion, Shrinkie, the first portable lap doll. "It's Shrinkie, it's Shrinkie, man's first portable doll. It's Shrinkie, it's Shrinkie the most wonderful doll of them all." Raymond And Tom was never wing-man for Tiger Woods again! Skeeter Amazingly, her face distracts you from her ridiculously huge left hand. Chris@Knucklehead! Moooooog finally convinces his sister to go to the prom with...

You ever wonder why people often don't say what they really mean? In an effort to be precise with their language they'll over think things and use a cliche. Often these cliches can be deceiving or not make sense. In short, they're not very helpful. For example, if you were to stop and ask "how far is it to the next town?" and the answer you got was "oh, about 25 miles as the crow flies" would you find that very helpful? Well, no. You're not a crow. You're driving a car and after several rights or lefts and over several bridges it'll probably be about 100 miles. A crow flies straight. You don't. Unless your on something I'm not aware of. And what about the cliche "cooking with gas'? I don't know. My wife's mistakenly wandered into the bathroom after me and there's no way she'd use that stuff to cook with. How about "a bird in the hand's worth two in the bush"? The only thing a bird in the hand is ...

I just don't know what to make of this one. I better leave it to you guys. Leave your captions in the comments and we'll see ya Saturday with a winner.

That's "mad" as in upset not unbalanced, although a case might be made for the latter. But I digress. A recent survey of jolly old Englanders indicated they spend three and-a-half years of their lives being angry. That works out to an hour and 19 minutes a day! Well, hell, that's easily enough explained. If you had to drink beer the consistency of motor oil, eat tasteless delicacies like bangers and mash and live without central heating you'd be bloody angry too! Here are the top ten anger triggers: 1. bad customer service 2. automated phone systems 3. public transport 4. modern technology 5. queueing 6. traffic wardens 7. dog mess 8. learning drivers 9. eating on public transport 10. public display of affection I can't argue with most of those as things that tick me off. Although I don't understand getting angry over public displays of affection. Public displays of eating on public transport, okay. But holding hands and kissing. That means there's sti...