Tush Touché

When I first read the story I'm about to relate to you I thought of that old line "I need a new butt, mine's got a crack in it." Okay, so I laughed when when I was thirteen. Not so much now. But I had to laugh at the following story, even though, speaking of butts, it came to a sad end.

Police in Philadelphia are investigating the circumstances of a British woman's death. She apparently died of complications from butt enhancement surgery. Now get this. The surgery didn't take place in a doctor's office or even in a hospital. It took place in a hotel room. Yeah. The Hampton Inn near the Philadelphia International Airport. I don't know about you but I'm bummed out.

What did this woman think she was getting in for? A butt enhancement job in a hotel? Yeah, right. And why? Did she want a new keister for Easter? Did she want to impress her husband dear with a new rear? Was she hoping to push for a tush like J. Lo?

What an asset!

How the heck did all this come to p-ass? (heh, heh) Did the hotel accidently place an ambiguous ad in the London Times aimed at getting the homeless off the streets of Philadelphia?

"Stay With Us. No Bums Turned Away"

Maybe it was the doctor who placed small discreet messages in the Guardian want-ads:

"Do your mates say you have a boney butt? Well now you can turn the other cheek!"

Geez, what if it was the city itself that enticed Brits abroad:

"Visit the City of Brotherly Love and Leave Your Worries Behind"

or

"Philadelphia: The City That Loves You(r) Back(side)!"

The procedure, not recognized by the FDA, involves silicon injections. Yeah, probably at "inflated" prices, too. And how "wide-spread" is this surgery? I'll bet there's no "end" to the number of illicit butt enhancers out there.

Well, it's hard to see a positive aspect to this sad tale (tail?). But I guess we could say that for this poor unidentified female that the worst is behind her.