Skip to main content

One Pill Makes You Larger



In the 60s Jefferson Airplane sang "one pill makes you larger, one pill makes you small".  In the 70s Steve Martin exhorted "Let's get small". Funny, I seemed to enjoy these references much more when I was younger.  These days I'm just south of 60 and am on so many prescribed pills I can almost relate to the above catch-phrases.  Today's catch phrase, unfortunately, is "may cause...".

Have you noticed a) the deluge of drug commercials on American television lately and, b) how many spend half their air time discussing the possible side-effects? The euphemisms for these impacts other than what the drugs were intended for include "unwanted effects" and "adverse drug event". This makes me laugh, considering some of the effects. Let me quote from www.merck.com:

Most drugs produce several effects. ... Not surprisingly, adverse drug reactions are common. ... Digestive disturbances - loss of appetite, nausea, a bloating sensation, constipation, and diarrhea - are particularly common. ... In older people (they're talking about me!) the brain is commonly affected, often resulting in drowsiness and confusion.

Well I don't know about you but I'd say those are all "unwanted effects". Hell, I'm old. I'm already drowsy and confused. And, hey, how can one drug cause both constipation AND diarrhea? Talk about not knowing if you're coming or going.

The other night I'm watching Dirty Harry on AMC - it's Dirty Harry week over there - and I see drug commercial after drug commercial. And, as I said, half the commercial is devoted to side effects and I'm thinking why would I take a pill that would make me feel worse than I felt before I started taking it? And then I hear something that really makes me sit up and take notice: "may cause suicidal thoughts or tendencies. If you have these thoughts or tendencies please inform your doctor." Inform my doctor? He's the guy that prescribed these drugs in the first place!!!

You laugh. But some of these pills' side effects "may cause death". Try calling your doctor after that "adverse drug event"!

You know, prior to undergoing radiation treatments for my cancer (successful by the way) the doctor explained to my wife and I that long-term effects might include brain-cell loss, whereupon my wife replied, "Oh that's alright; he's already got a good start." Thanks, hon.

But I can tell you one thing. If after taking Viagra I get a four hour erection I'm not calling my doctor. Hell, I'm gonna tweet it, blog about it and call every friggin' body I know!
Labels:

Comments

Ziva said…
And if you're at a hospital and they're giving you a drug with "unwanted effects", they'll just give you another drug for the side effects! By the way, did you know that they apparently have Viagra for women too? I not sure what it's supposed to do, but I want to try it. I've always wanted a 4-hour erection.
10 September 2010 at 08:51
nonamedufus said…
Ziva: But it's an endless circle: a drug to handle those side effects and another drug to cover those side effects, etc.

On the 4 hour reaction? You and me both. But if you start growing testicles I'll be forced to look at you in a whole new light. Not to mention having to call you Sven.
10 September 2010 at 09:09
Donnie said…
Don't feel too bad. Harry Callahan himself is in his seventies, and God knows what pills he takes.
A trial lawyer here runs an ad on t.v. reminding viewers "if you have suffered side affects including "experiencing death" you may have a claim."
10 September 2010 at 09:22
nonamedufus said…
Don: You went ahead and made my day. Yeah, ha,ha, we have those ads too. Like you're gonna file a claim from beyond the grave.
10 September 2010 at 09:34
00dozo said…
Would you really spend all your ... ahem... "up time" bragging about it instead of, say, using it?
;-)

On those side effects, I'm almost positive I heard, "... may cause suicidal or homicidal tendancies ..." in a commercial for a depression medication.
10 September 2010 at 09:38
Anonymous said…
I've always thought the same thing about those drug ads with all the disclaimers about side effects. Relatively speaking, I haven't had to take too many prescription drugs in my lifetime so I've never experienced any wonky side effects. Glad to that your cancer treatments were successful! - G
10 September 2010 at 09:39
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: Oh, no, I'd put it to good use and call after. When I read that second part I thought you said homocidal tendencies. Gosh, I didn't know there was a drug for that!
10 September 2010 at 10:02
nonamedufus said…
G: With my cancer, I've been a walking drug store; taking drugs with side effects to counter previous drugs and their side effects. Funny, when I was younger I would even shun aspirin. Now, unfortunately, I haven't a choice. But I always ask about side effects. Last thing I need is suicidal tendencies! Sheesh.
10 September 2010 at 10:06
Anonymous said…
Oh my friend, how near and dear this post is to me!

As a fellow pill-taker, it's no wonder I have a muddled mind and muddled behind!

Ha!

TMI, eh?

"may cause death" Ha! So you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't!
10 September 2010 at 10:51
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Exactly, it's like you can't live with them but you can't live without them.
10 September 2010 at 14:27
Leeuna said…
I think I may resemble that man in the photo...except I'm a woman. I take so many pills I rattle when I walk. and yes, those commercials are hysterical. Especially the ones that say the meds can make you: dizzy, nauseated and cause you to faint on standing. I often wonder if, after hearing this, how many people ask their doctor for that particular medication.
10 September 2010 at 14:51
nonamedufus said…
Leeuna: Oh. yeah, who knew some legal drugs could be so much fun!
10 September 2010 at 15:00
Lisa said…
I'm not old (in my mind) but the eye doc just told me today that he sees the beginnings of cataracts. WTF?!! Please don't tell me there's pill for that too. I refuse!!! I'll go blind before they make me take a pill to see and then one of the side effects is I lose my hearing or sense of smell. Or worse, I might have old lady tendencies with my hair turning blue!!!
10 September 2010 at 15:48
nonamedufus said…
Lisa:I can just hear the ads now: "May cause little old lady tendencies". lol
10 September 2010 at 16:42
injaynesworld said…
I remember seeing the Airplane perform that song. Well, I don't actually remember remember -- you know, like what I was wearing or anything -- or how I got there -- or got home -- but I'm pretty sure pills were involved and the side effects were the best part.
10 September 2010 at 18:21
nonamedufus said…
Jayne: heh, heh. It's like David Crosby said "If you remember the 60s you weren't there, man."
10 September 2010 at 22:06
Brian Miller said…
isnt it interesting how the more pills we take the more we seem to need...hmm...nice on the goddess award as well...
11 September 2010 at 06:57
nonamedufus said…
Brian Miller: It seems like an endless cycle, doesn't it.

The what award?
11 September 2010 at 08:46
Everyday Goddess said…
I thought this was clever, well written and shares a message that we can all understand.

So I gave you one of my weekly Goddess Awards which you can collect if you like, whenever you like.

Happy Blogging!
11 September 2010 at 09:46
nonamedufus said…
Everyday Goddess: That award! Thanks, EG. I'm glad you enjoyed the piece and I'm honoured you'd think enough of it to lay on me such a prestigious award. I'm proudly displaying it now on my awards page. Cool.
11 September 2010 at 10:26
Fragrant Liar said…
Ugh, so far, I am refusing to take meds that my doctor offers nonchalantly, but I know that one of these days I'll have to cave. But I'll protest all the way!

Congrats on the POTW.
11 September 2010 at 11:36
Jeremy from We Took The Bait said…
Couple of things:

First, check out the song "Pillagers" by Sudden Death. I know there are live versions of the song on You Tube, and I'm sure there are mp3s floating around the 'Net. But, you'll love it.

Also, quick observational humor about side effects that... only I find funny, apparently.

My wife and I were watching TV when a commercial for Cialis came on. Among the side effects, listed back-to-back, were constipation and dry mouth.

I start laughing hysterically.

Jess asks me why.

I reply "Now I know that Cialis is the worst drug to be on if I like spitting in someone's face after giving them a Cleveland Steamer."

I was the only one in our household to find the remark amusing.
11 September 2010 at 11:56
nonamedufus said…
Fragrant Liar: Thanks for dropping over. When you're sliding into 60 you haven't got much choice. And the doc doesn't offer me these things nonchalantly, believe me. Thanks for the congrats on the POTW. Congrats to you too on a very funny post.
11 September 2010 at 12:58
nonamedufus said…
Jeremy: Having looked up the term I'd have to say I'm with your family. But what I don't understand, having watched the commercial, is how you have sex after taking cialis if you're each stuck in separate bath tubs on a hillside. Not exactly conducive to hooking up.
11 September 2010 at 13:02
Linda Medrano said…
The first time I heard an ad for Cialis, I thought it was an x-rated commercial for a thinly disguised prostitute called "Alice" and wondered how they got it on the airwaves.

Honey, 60 is the new 40 so not to worry.
11 September 2010 at 13:45
nonamedufus said…
Linda: The new 40? Really? lol All I can think about now is "See Alice when she was just small" Hence, the need for Cialis!
11 September 2010 at 13:55
shrink on the couch said…
I'm not a guy but I've always thought "a four hour erection" is something to enjoy, not ruin it with a trip to the doctor! Hooray for your cancer survival! This entitles you to wear the T-shirt --> Cancer is my Bitch!
11 September 2010 at 15:56
nonamedufus said…
Yogurt: I agree with you completely. I should be so lucky. And on the cancer front, I am. Thanks.
11 September 2010 at 16:13
Kristen Haskell said…
Great post. I am in my forties and I also have a whole schlew of meds. I have gotten to the point where I flat out give my doctor a hard time if he tries to give me anything new. Wonderful writing.
11 September 2010 at 16:38
nonamedufus said…
Kristen: Thanks for the kind words. Glad you enjoyed the piece. I'm with you. Ask the doc if it's absolutely necessary.
11 September 2010 at 17:07
Quirkyloon said…
Oh my friend, how near and dear this post is to me!

As a fellow pill-taker, it's no wonder I have a muddled mind and muddled behind!

Ha!

TMI, eh?

"may cause death" Ha! So you're damned if you do, and damned if you don't!
12 May 2011 at 15:17
Fragrant Liar said…
Ugh, so far, I am refusing to take meds that my doctor offers nonchalantly, but I know that one of these days I'll have to cave. But I'll protest all the way!

Congrats on the POTW.
12 May 2011 at 15:17
Everyday Goddess said…
I thought this was clever, well written and shares a message that we can all understand.

So I gave you one of my weekly Goddess Awards which you can collect if you like, whenever you like.

Happy Blogging!
12 May 2011 at 15:17
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Polka Dot Door

A long time ago, when I was 22, my first child was born.  That kid grew up on a little Canadian kid's show called Polka Dot Door, produced by the TV Ontario network.  And Dad, more often than not, sat through those shows with his little one. Nine or so years later when a brother, and a year after that when a sister came along number one son was moving on to Knight Rider and The Dukes of Hazzard.  But there was a nice overlap where his siblings picked up where he had left off with Polka Dot Door.  And Dad was right there to welcome them. So you're looking at a Polka Dot Door veteran.  The show began in 1971 and ran to 1993.  I didn't watch the full run but I did get in my fair share.  The formula was pretty simple.  A young male and female host, which seemed to change every week, sang songs, told stories, made crafts and generally did their best stimulate little brains.  The show opened as follows... Imagination Day!  Oh boy!  You know what happens on Imagination D
41 comments
Read more

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on, Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever. I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read. So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still hav
Post a Comment
Read more

30 Days of Photos III #4 Sour

Check out Ziva's Inferno for the rest of today's photos.
53 comments
Read more