Facebook For Old Farts

It's a sign of too much time on my hands that I quietly cruise the tweets of Twitter and status updates of Facebook.

I don't even know why I do it.  All I come across are: 

- Georgina just found a magic bean on her farm

- Ivan is stocking up on supplies in FrontierVille

- Nancy needs treats to train her pet

- Sandy scored a bajillion in Bejeweled Blitz 

The names have been changed to protect the idiots…er…ah..innocent.

I have the following admonition on my Facebook home page:

" I don't care about your bloody farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia."

But of course it doesn't seem to work.  

Then there are the inane updates about  a 2 year-old's toothaches, being sad and having a headache, just walked my dog,  hubby's being cute again, so sad it's raining here, just gave my kitty some treats

People…get a life!  Like, you think I really care.  Why are these people even my "friends"?

But I'm going to get them back.  Yep.  I'm gonna start sending old fart updates and see how they like it.  That's right.  How about Facebook For Old Farts?  Has a nice ring to it.  So let's get started, shall we?  Here's my Top Ten:

1) "Got up seven times to pee last night."

2) "That asparagus I had for dinner gave me diarrhea."

3) "Just let the biggest fart ever rip while watching TV.  Wife not talking to me."

4) "Gosh, my pubes are itchy."

5) "Just trimmed my nose hairs."

6) "Found my car keys finally. Now just have to find car."

7) "Eww, I hate it when I throw up in my mouth."

8) "Backed up over the cat this morning.  Wife still not talking to me."

9) "Lord I hate when you pick a booger and it's stuck to your nose hairs."

10) "Oh, boy, you should have seen all the gunk I had stuck in my teeth before I flossed this morning."

There bejewelled, mafia, and farm aficionados.  How do you like them road apples?


This post originally appeared at Sound Off To America where it was quite a hit, so I thought I'd re-run it here.  Hope you enjoyed it.