Tiger Wood's redemption clicked into high gear yesterday. Maybe it's coincidence, maybe not, but he held his big news conference to kick off his participation in the Masters the day after the resurrection.
Here's my view of how the news conference went using actual quotes from Woods. Of course the quotes are totally out of context.
Tiger Woods sat down with reporters yesterday and apologized to his fans. Well, he apologized to a small group of fans...female fans "I acted terribly...I need to change that. Going forward I need to be a better man than I was before." Mistresses, past, present and future were thrilled to hear Tiger's words. "Just because I've gone through treatment doesn't mean it stops."
Reporters were interested in the incident that brought Tiger's infidelities to light: the night he crashed his car on the street in front of his house. "Winning golf tournaments through all of this is irrelevant to the damage I've caused." Woods totally destroyed his Cadillac Escalade. And how did his wife Elin react? "...a busted up lip and a sore neck. That was about it." Tiger confirmed he needed five stitches to his face.
Asked how he felt about the fans' reaction to their first glimpse of Tiger since the sex scandal broke, he used an analogy from his cheating ways, "...it blew me away, to be honest with you, it really did."
Here's my view of how the news conference went using actual quotes from Woods. Of course the quotes are totally out of context.
Masters defender or master deceptor
Tiger Woods sat down with reporters yesterday and apologized to his fans. Well, he apologized to a small group of fans...female fans "I acted terribly...I need to change that. Going forward I need to be a better man than I was before." Mistresses, past, present and future were thrilled to hear Tiger's words. "Just because I've gone through treatment doesn't mean it stops."
Reporters were interested in the incident that brought Tiger's infidelities to light: the night he crashed his car on the street in front of his house. "Winning golf tournaments through all of this is irrelevant to the damage I've caused." Woods totally destroyed his Cadillac Escalade. And how did his wife Elin react? "...a busted up lip and a sore neck. That was about it." Tiger confirmed he needed five stitches to his face.
Oops, look at the time. Gotta go. Someone's waiting for me back at the hotel.
Asked how he felt about the fans' reaction to their first glimpse of Tiger since the sex scandal broke, he used an analogy from his cheating ways, "...it blew me away, to be honest with you, it really did."
Comments
You should have written for The N.Y.Times considering the manner in which you wrote that post. It's a gift...
...it's like "Wait for it, wait for it." And then "Boom!"
I for one though am surprised you didn't write about your beloved Duke (that retching sound you hear is me ;).
I don't have to say 'Go Duke' any more until next year! What a game.
As for the injuries he sustained, it could have been worse - instead of the "Big Bertha", his wife may have opted for the "Bouncing Betty". After all, both weapons involve balls.
Great approach, though, Dufus. Maybe a series of these using actual quotes from different scandals?
"So, Mr. Lincoln, how many times did you cheat on your wife, and when was your last affair?"
"Four score, and seven years ago."