Dani Dear Dani – A Roast by nonamedufus

Last week, a select group of folks from Humour Bloggers Dot Com were selected to "roast" their colleagues. My roastee was Dani C, she of Not An Effin Mom Blog fame. She's supposed to post this on her blog but as my laptop was biting the dust this week one of Dani's munchkins was pouring Hawiian Tropical Fruit Punch down her keyboard. So we'll post it here and hope Dani can get it up over there soon - uh, er, I didn't mean that how it sounds...

Question: What well-known blogger is sweet and demure, considerate and understated, diplomatic and refined?
Answer: Not you, Miss Crazy-Dani-Whack-Job-Not-A-Mommy-Blogger!

Oh, no, you’re anything butt, er, ah but... Why do I keep coming back to your blog? Am I a masochist? Do I love pain? Do I enjoy seeing pain bluntly inflicted upon others about as subtly as my dentist, Dr. Jeckyl, doing a root canal?

And who are you anyway? That kissy, smiley, pouty, smirky picture of you has me mesmerized (well the kissy part).

So you’re a nurse working nights married to a cop working days and yet you have SIX children. How did that happen? More to the point: when?! Well at least between the two of you, you’ll keep them on the straight and narrow and in blood and marrow (that’s the best rhyme I could think of).

So tell me, why’s your blog “not an effin mom blog”. Does that mean it’s (choose one):
- An ebbin flow blog
- An eggin us on blog
- An ellin Degeneres blog
- An emmin, el oh, pee blog
- A boy from eppin-ee-ma blog
- An essin em blog
Well in some respects this is an s&m blog – but let’s not go there! Instead let’s go to your “Mom’s That I Can’t Stand” series. Hey, Whack Job, who died and made you Joan Crawford?! (By the way I’ve got some pictures of my blinking baby picking his nose while doing little poopies that I’d just love to show you.)

And, like, why am I so preoccupied with your breasts? (Er, ah, oops, sorry, that should read why are YOU so preoccupied with your breasts.)

Finally, Whack-Dani, your momma should wash your keyboard out with soap (or fruit juice – ha!)! It’s “eff” this and “eff” that and “eff” off and “eff” you... here an eff there an eff everywhere an eff, eff. Why, you even encourage commenters to effin rant and you present the effin winner with an EFF YOU award. Wow, you’re pretty eff-usive with your effs. Just sayin’.

Well that about does it Dani. This roast is toast. I’ve gotta say in all seriousness that I actually love your “effin” blog. I think it may have sumpin’ to do with your charming self-defecating sense of humour (in other words: “shit, yer funny”). Gotta go. Got a root canal scheduled with Dr. Jeckyl.

Be sure and visit Dani at http://www.momscrazylife.com/