Need a job my American buddies? Go north young man. You heard me right. That's the advice being offered by popular website The Huffington Post who last week in a front page story counselled unemployed Americans to seek employment across the border in the great white north.
In what sounded like a pitch from some midnight television snake oil salesman, the article begins...
"Stubbornly high unemployment rates got you down? Not sold on the economic recovery? Look no further than America's polite neighbor to the north, where job numbers are surging and home prices have been rising steadily for nearly a year."
Well, first thing you Americans have to learn is how to spell. There's a "u" in neighbour. Not necessarily a USA but a "u".
Granted our economic recovery seems to be on the fast track, having created 93,200 jobs last month. That's 10,000 more jobs than the US, eh. (Ha, ha, get it? USA, US eh)
We're #1! We're #1!
And we have poutine and May Wests that set us apart from "nos amis Americains". Oh that's right, we speak 2 languages up here, too. Bien sur!
Canada's basic food group: poutine, May West and a Pepsi!
Now HuffPost included a little poll in their article that asked the following question:
Would You Consider Moving To Canada For A Job?
- Yes, I'll follow the money.
- No, I'm staying in the States.
- It depends on salary -- or how long I would have to be unemployed.
As of Sunday, 61.67 per cent would follow the money. Only 13.44 per cent of those who voted would stay in the States.
Should the threat (no insult intended) of such an exodus come to pass what would this mean for Canada? I already have to watch their TV shows and movies. I'm inundated by their sports and entertainment figures - both the good and the bad. And I'm influenced by their politics. The only change I could see would be Americans would start mowing my lawn, caring for my garden, driving my taxis, welcoming me to Wal-Mart and serving me fast-food.
I wonder if my friends in Arizona can give me some advice?
Comments
Besides learning how to spell, it will also be necessary for US immigrants to properly pronounce the letter "z".
You'll find us loitering on the corners of any convenience stores. (You have those up north don't you? hee hee). We'll be waiting in groups and hoping you'll drive up and wave to us and give us a job for the day.
We'll try to smile at you, just don't mind our missing teeth.
Oh, and if we accidentally (or intentionally behind your back) destroy something?
You have no recourse.
Sounds like the deal of the century, no?
Let me know when you're coming. Deb's already doing my lawn and garden. Maybe you could paint my house.
Oh, how did you lose your missing teeth?
It should attract more from below the snow belt.
I don't think I could learn how to spell properly up there and I know the metric system would forever condemn me to working in the convenience stores.
How do you pronounce "z"? Is it 'zed'?
It's "zed".
You could try construction
What the heck is a May West?
No way. I'm staying in this big fat state of Texas with all the yummy Tex-mex food.
If that's not to your liking we also have something called a Jos. Louis. Jos. Louis is a plastic-wrapped confection consisting of two chocolatey sponge cake rounds with a cream filling within a milk chocolate shell.
By the way, we have some transplanted Texans and Mexicans here as there is Tex-Mex food in abundance.
Oh, yes, were you aware Quebec is bigger than Texas? Nannie, nannie, boo-boo. Sorry, got carried away. Must be my sugar high after eating a half-dozen May Wests.
I would stay in the U.S. (most likely) but I would strongly encourage everyone else to go to Canada. Then, more jobs would be open for me here in the U.S. :D
The real reason why I would never move to Canada? Chicken poutine, May West, and Pepsi. Blllleeeeechhh. :-p
Oh, and there's a house or two for sale in my neighbourhood. Should we get Homes to take a look at them for you?
We'll visit, though! But you can keep that thing on a plate. (What all is in that, anyway?)
The dish? French fries, cheese curds and gravy. It's a Canadian delicacy, otherwise known as cardiac arrest on a plate.
Oh, and there's a house or two for sale in my neighbourhood. Should we get Homes to take a look at them for you?
You'll find us loitering on the corners of any convenience stores. (You have those up north don't you? hee hee). We'll be waiting in groups and hoping you'll drive up and wave to us and give us a job for the day.
We'll try to smile at you, just don't mind our missing teeth.
Oh, and if we accidentally (or intentionally behind your back) destroy something?
You have no recourse.
Sounds like the deal of the century, no?
If that's not to your liking we also have something called a Jos. Louis. Jos. Louis is a plastic-wrapped confection consisting of two chocolatey sponge cake rounds with a cream filling within a milk chocolate shell.
By the way, we have some transplanted Texans and Mexicans here as there is Tex-Mex food in abundance.
Oh, yes, were you aware Quebec is bigger than Texas? Nannie, nannie, boo-boo. Sorry, got carried away. Must be my sugar high after eating a half-dozen May Wests.
What the heck is a May West?
No way. I'm staying in this big fat state of Texas with all the yummy Tex-mex food.