Malawi Methane Mayhem

From Africa comes a story that is sure to cause reverberations...or, perhaps, prevent them. The country of Malawi is tired of its citizens making a stink. Not in opposition to the government...just making a stink. The government of Malawi plans to punish persistent offenders who foul the air. You got it. No more farting in public.

No farts for you!

Can you imagine the reaction to such a law? I'll bet residents think it's the shits. After all, the government intends to muzzle freedom of expression. I wonder what happens to a muzzled fart? The mind boggles. And the eyes cross.

No more tooting in the streets. And I'm not talking car horns. Of course, residents are skeptical as to how the new law will be enforced. Will there be a special fart force of Storm Poopers? And in public, how will they be able to tell just who the culprit is? To the cops' questions of "Who cut the cheese?" they'll never nail the nasal offender when everyone points at one another and says "He who smelt it dealt it."

South African activist Desmond Toot Toot expressed dismay with Malawi's move, saying a fart tied was far worse than apartheid.

Others say there hasn't been this much talk of flatulence since Madonna made her case to adopt her last child.

But Malawi's lawmakers appear unperturbed by the criticism and are not willing to bend...over.

Opposition leader Bingu Fartsalot, however, says the people's will, will out in the end. For now, however, the answer is blowing in the wind.