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Showing posts from March, 2016

A Fly In The Ointment

It was a dark and stormy night and as dense as a London fog. As luck would have it Bob was late getting home, where he was looking forward to being as snug as a bug in a rug, because he was off course as the crow flies because he had to take the long road home as luck would have it.

He thought of his wife Rose - a rose by any other name would smell so sweet - and regretted leaving his cell phone charging on his desk at work. He decided that was a bad call but that thinking about it was like beating a dead horse.

He hoped his wife would like her anniversary present but he knew beauty was in the eye of the beholder. He hoped she didn't think beggars can't be choosers because he'd been there done that with his first wife Mabel. Mabel had been behind the the times, far from the belle of the ball and a knife or two short of the cutlery drawer.

Anyway, as he sat in the detoured traffic he knew he'd be better late than never and in terms of Rose, his second wife, it'd be…

What Does One Say?

I really have no idea how to begin this post. I've been staring at a blank screen with many thoughts swirling in my mind about someone I knew as Nicky F. Nicky was a blogger from Montreal who I first met through an on-line humour bloggers site. She was hilarious and we would often exchange barbs - all in good fun of course - in contests of who could top whom. Funny how many words we exchanged in the name of humour and now at her passing I struggle to find the right words.

You know that term "work wife", someone of the opposite sex you work with closely. Well I'd like to think of Nicky as my blogging wife (sorry Ziva Moon). Funny how you can feel so close to someone without actually meeting them but her writing and commenting just made you feel like her best friend.

So this relationship went on for some years until it evolved into a Facebook friendship. She blogged less end less but kept up her acerbic comments on Facebook - comments you absolutely had to respond to.

Must Be The Season of the Which?

"Do you know about the equinox?" expressed  Elizabeth.

"The equinox, really?" replied Rachel. "Isn't that a new car by Chevy?"

"No, no, no" nattered Nathan. "The equinox has to do with the change of season in the spring and the fall".

That's right, responded Richard. "It marks the two times a year the sun is directly over the equator."

"Yeah, the equinoxes along with the solstices" said Sam, "are directly related to the seasons of the year".

"And come the fall equinox" Edward expressed " the days grow shorter".

"And with the equinox in the spring" suggested Suzy "the days grow longer".

Well everyone thought this was just marvellous. They'd all put their heads together and worked out the story of the seasonal equinoxes. There was just one question.

"Do the number of summer daylight hours equal the number of winter hours in the dark?" declaimed …

Who said "Ah, yes divorce...from the latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet"?

Dave and Nancy had been looking forward to this comedy show all week. Longer even, since they purchased their tickets several months ago.  They loved stand-up comedians and this Robin Williams Back From The Dead event was no exception. I mean how great could it be? Tasteless, ghoulish and Robin Williams all rolled into one.

They handed over their tickets to the man on the comedy club door and sought out a small table for two near the stage. As Nancy got settled Dave went off to get a couple of beers. He arrived back just as the light's grew dim. The two clanked their long-neck bottles, mouthed "cheers" and each took a swig.

"Do you think God gets stoned? I think so" claimed the first funnyman. "Look at a Platypus" he concluded. The line prompted a few sniggers throughout the room.

"In England, if you commit a crime, the police don't have a gun and you don't have a gun. If you commit a crime, the police will say: 'Stop of I'll say…

A Deadly Idea

The sky was clear, not a cloud in sight
The stars they twinkled in the dark of night
The moon was full and lit the way
One could clearly see where the headstones lay

The night was silent save for the sound
Of the rustle of tools on our mission bound
Shovels and picks, a hoe or two
Something to dig with, that would do

We'd hatched our plan several weeks before
Sitting at the table by the door
Several half empty quarts and some brave debate
Had led us here to the cemetery's gate

Our pal Pat had just been laid to rest
A friend of ours - the very best
Cut down in life far too young
For the rest of us life had just begun

We readied our tools at the side of the grave
Poised above the earth feeling brave
On your mark get set we started to dig
The hole we dug wasn't very big

Grave-robbing was our much-planned intent
But we came about with something we hadn't meant
Instead of rescuing the body whole
It was only Pat's head that we stole

And while some of us felt somewhat si…

My Back Pages

February was pretty much a dud in terms of reading. Not so much what I read but how much I read. I completed two books in February; Purity by Jonathan Franzen and Still Alice by Lisa Genova.

The first was a recommendation by a Facebook friend. I'd never read Franzen's stuff before. This was a lengthy tale which tied the central character, Purity, to various other characters and story lines. I liked it. It held my attention and was well written.  Nothing to get overly excited about but easy enough to read.

You may have seen the movie that was based on my second book, starring Julianne Moore. It's about a cognitive psychology university professor with alzheimer's disease. The story is so detailed it makes you feel that it's non-fiction as it takes you through the impact of the disease on not only her but on her husband and children. This was an excellent read, though very, very sad.

Only two books this month for a total of 6t this year. I fear my binge-watching of T…

Be Careful What You Ask For

I wouldn't say Jack was eccentric but whenever he made a purchase he would ask where it was made. For example, last week Jack went shopping for clothes for spring. He found pairs of jeans and demanded "Origin?" of the salesperson until she stopped saying China and hit on "United States".

He then moved over to the sweater section of the men's department and pulled the same trick until the sales girl stopped on "Ireland".  Jack had found the sweater he wanted.
From store to store Jack employed the same shopping technique. Shirts, socks, shoes. The origin of the shirts were Turkey. The origin of the socks were Armenia and the origin of his new boots were Italy.
But he didn't stop there. When he sat down for lunch he demanded to know the origin of the salmon and whether it was freshly caught. "Flown in from the west coast an hour ago" said the waiter which seems to have met Jack's qualifications just fine.
On the way home from the m…