Monday, 30 July 2012

I Can Go From Zero To Cry in 60 Seconds

I don't know what the hell it is. Turning 60? Ten years of living with cancer? Ten years of living with cancer treatments? Whatever it is I've turned into such an emotional and sentimental guy.

That's right. I'm a big blubbering cry baby.

 It happens mostly when I'm watching TV. The other night I was watching The Newsroom on HBO. (great show) We get to the last 5 minutes. The soundtrack swells playing "I'll Fix You" by Coldplay. (great song) And the news team swings into action to break into regular programming and carries off brilliant coverage of a breaking story. Right. But I can hardly see this because my eyes are brimming with tears. And this is the second time I've seen this episode!

You think that's bad? I've started to cry during commercials. You heard me. Used to be the crying was done on the other side of the screen like by that guy in the pic up there. A couple of months ago Accura came out with a commercial that simply made me a basket case each time it came on...

And lately Procter and Gamble has been running an ad that just tears me apart...

And lastly I came across a commercial on You Tube that exhausted my supply of Kleenex...

So there you have it. Not much funny about this post, eh? Well, except for my wife.

My wife?

Yeah, she thinks I'm hysterical.

Saturday, 28 July 2012

Pause Ponder and Pokey-less Gumby

I couldn't make heads or tails of this pic.

Since I haven't seen him around for some time I thought maybe this was a rare picture of moooooog hanging out incognito, which is latin for inamask. (He's taller on the internet, don't ya think?)

Then I thought The Avengers were trying to spice things up for a sequel with their new super hero Green Pepper Man.

But I think you guys had some better ideas.

Let's see.

Boom Boom "Seuss" Wooters came up with:

I like green heads and I cannot lie.

00 "Sci-Fi" dozo gave us:

"Enemy Mine" takes on a new meaning on Earth.

And Quirky "election fever" Loon reported:

The Green Party (all things earth-friendly) begins his campaign and is received rather well.

My favourite off-the-wall caption this week goes to Mike who left us with:

The world's first toad to human face transplant recipient 
prepares to sing God Save the Quen for some reason.

But my overall favourite this week had to be Laughing Mom with:

Without Pokey to rescue him, Gumby's crowd goes wild.

Okay, L.M. Way to go! You be hangin' with the dufus this week. That was damn funny. Your momma sure didn't raise any blockheads.

Thanks to our runners-up and to everyone who left a caption this week. See y'all Wednesday for another edition of Pause Ponder and Pun.

Wednesday, 25 July 2012

Pause Ponder and Pun #135

What the hell makes this guy so attractive?

If you figure it out let me know and leave a caption or two in the comments.

We'll unveil the winner Saturday. (heh, he, see what I did there?)

Monday, 23 July 2012

Dog Days

So, like, last week I was in and out of the pool very 20 minutes trying to cool down from the heat. The other day we had the solar blanket on the pool and the heater going. The water was 90F. It was like swimming in a toilet. The smart-alecky love of my mid-life says "I wouldn't know. I've never swam in a toilet." Well me either. And nor would I want to. But it's like I'd imagined how it would be. It's an idiom. Or an analogy. Yeah that's it. Sheesh, it's hard to explain some things to French people. I should have just said, "Sacre bleu, l'eau est tres chaud, n'est-ce pas, cherie?" But me, being an English major and all, we just don't talk like that. In other languages, I mean.

All this to say it's hot out there. Well, after all it is the dog days of summer, isn't it?

Did you ever stop and wonder why they say that? I mean after you stop and wonder who "they" are? What a funny expression. I mean why don't they say the elephant days of summer? Or the giraffes of summer? Or, I know, the hippopotamuses of summer. Mosquitos of summer would certainly be appropriate. Deer, horse and house flies would work too. Why dogs?

Well it has to do with the sky. Yeah, I Googled it. Google. You know that thing that replaced the Encyclopedia Britannica? Canis Minor (the little dog) and Canis Major (the big dog) are constellations. Who knew they named constellations after dogs? Suck that up you cat lovers - and you know who you are. Yeah, and the brightest star in Canis Major is Sirius which happens to be the brightest star in the night sky. No shit. I'm Sirius.

I can see puppies but I can't see any dogs.

Me, I'm going with hippopotamuses of summer. Hey, ever seen me in a bathing suit?

Speaking of which. Time for another dip in the pool.

Saturday, 21 July 2012

Pause Ponder and a Pool Fool

This was our pic this week. And these were our top captions...

Revenge of the Plankers!

Left of the blue and white boy? Right of the blue and white boy? Damn, I'll never get ny boating licence.
Whitey @ COTU

Jeffrey thought he could hold on until low tide. He was wrong.

And our winner was head and shoulders above the competition:

Scott's dandruff problem was getting out of hand. But he had one last trick up his sleeve.

Congratulations Shawn. You be hangin' with dufus this weekend. What say we head on down to the Ottawa River. The water level there's really low this summer. We could jump off the Champlain Bridge and take care of our dandruff just like our friend up there...permanently!

And thanks to everyone for playing along this week. I look forward to your captions on our next pic, Wednesday.

Wednesday, 18 July 2012

Pause Ponder and Pun #134

Look before you leap!

But feel free to jump right in and leave a caption or two in the comments.

We'll "sea" you Saturday.

Monday, 16 July 2012

Tour de Hooligans

I've been watching the Tour de France the last couple of weeks. You know, that four week race of doped-up bicyclists? Just kidding. It's a fascinating sport. Charges of performance enhancing drugs notwithstanding. I don't quite understand the strategy of the teams and why they sometimes work together and sometimes not but I just love watching these guys as they glide through the French countryside.

And that's the first thing you notice about the tour coverage - the gorgeous countryside. The mountains, the valleys, the old towns, the historic buildings, churches and castles - the tour is a travelogue sure to entice tourists.

But the other thing you notice is the fans. Some of these people are so dedicated it borders on insanity. As the cyclists hit towns with narrow roads, or climb hills with equally narrow patches of pavement, these fans pack each side of the route and crowd in leaving the bikers even less room to cycle by.

Some fans take a step or two out and clap their hands and shout at the cyclists. Others decide to run along beside the bicycles waving their arms. Others pat the riders on the back. The other day some guy ran along beside the bikes waving a smoke flare. It makes me think that these people must be tossing back a bottle of vino or two under the hot sun while they're waiting for the peloton to pass them by. I mean some of these folks must be drunk to do some of the things they do.

The worst, though, occurred yesterday. Some guy, for reasons unknown, thought it would be a fun idea to toss tacks onto the road. The result of this stupidity? 48 punctures to bicycle tires, 3 camera motorcycles out of the race due to flats, and of course the result of yesterday's stage was tossed on it's head because many of those leading at the time were affected by this insanity.

Now I know people can get pretty excited by sports. Football, baseball, hockey playoffs are one example. Soccer perhaps provides us with the worst example of fan behaviour.

But when television commentators start referring to Tour de France fans as hooligans you know all is not right with the world.

Little do they know, but the French have just given us another reason to endear themselves with the rest of the world. Not.

Saturday, 14 July 2012

Pause Ponder and Pitch It Right In Here

You know, you really need balls to be a catcher in major league baseball. 

Well that was my take on this week's pic. Let's see what some others came up with...

Ever wonder how baby baseballs are born?
Michael Wolfe @ Predator Press

As my father always told me "be the ball".

Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez was never the same, even after they took the stitches out.
Nicky @ We Work For Cheese

Which ball am I supposed to keep my eye on?
Paula @ How to Become a Cat Lady...Without the Cats

And our winner this week...

After surgery, John Kruk still played despite the one ball he had left being swollen.
Skeeter @ Dead Dog

Way to keep your eye on the ball, Skeeter. Congratulations. You be hangin' with dufus this week. Wanna head on down to Toronto with me and take in a Blue Jays game? They're currently in last place in the American League, east. Maybe if they changed to this guy's uniform they'd have more success.

Thanks to everyone who played along this week. Be sure and join us Wednesday for another edition of Pause Ponder and Pun.
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