Monday, 29 November 2010

Whitey And COTU


Remember this? A couple of months back I told you about my trip to *spits* Toronto to visit my brother, Whitey. This is the CN Tower, once the highest structure in the world until 2007. It's kinda like Toronto made a monument to itself, huh?

Well, a couple of weeks back Mrs. Dufus and I made a trip back to *spits* Toronto to visit Whitey in advance of his birthday, or as he likes to call it COTU*. He should know. He lives there.

You may ask yourself "Why does dufus drive to Toronto so often?" Or, you may not. Nevertheless we visit my brother Whitey so often because we read a recent survey that indicated Toronto is the most miserable city in the country. Heck, we feel bad for the guy and just wanna cheer the poor fella up.

We had a great weekend. I blew a small fortune in HMV on Yonge Street, a 3-storey CD store, and substantially enhanced my music collection.

We also spent some time in COTU's* historic Distillery District. Originally a distillery founded in 1832 by brothers-in-law William Gooderman and James Worts, by 1877 it was the world's largest distillery and manufactured Canadian rye whiskey, rum and other spirits.

The 13 acre site was restored in the early to mid 2000s and developed into a pedestrian only arts and cultural district.

The area is chock-full of bistros, restaurants, studios, galleries, shops and condos. We stopped into a cheese shop called "A Taste of Quebec". Being from Quebec, we just had to see how anything in COTU* could associate itself with anything from la belle province. We were pleasantly surprised and bought several great Quebec cheeses for dinner that night. The shop was attached to a gallery that displayed the work of Quebec artists. I loved a couple in particular, each costing about $8,000. I passed. Didn't spend nearly that much in the CD store later, which made Mrs. Dufus happy. They also had a small Group of Seven member A.Y. Jackson piece. It was selling for $150,000 if you're interested.


Outside we came across IT, a forty foot tall sculpture made of 12,000 pounds of steel and inspired by H.G. Wells' War of the Worlds. It was originally commissioned for Black Rock City, Nevada's 2006 Burning Man Festival.

Well, all our browsing made us hungry so we stopped in at the Pure Spirits Oyster House and Grill. Nice place. Good food and...


No problem. It was nice to know that if we drank too much it'd be easy to get a lift home.


After a full afternoon of studio browsing, sipping beers and CD buying we retreated to Whitey's place for our daily happy-hour session. Hey, I said we were there to make him feel better. Aren't I a good brother.

*Centre Of The Universe

Saturday, 27 November 2010

Pause Ponder and Pissing Down Rain


You know whenever I see something about rain I think of that old joke...

Guy 1: "Hey it's raining cats and dogs out there."
Guy 2: "Be careful not to step in a poodle."

Well, maybe not always. And maybe that's just as well.

Ok, enough with the jokes, let's see what we've got.


Futility (n.) - trying to wash the car when you live in Seattle.



Another manifestation of how Bubba was permanently
ear-wormed by Milli Vanilli's "Blame It On The Rain"



Fearing the effects of acid rain on his new vehicle,
Joe tires to stay ahead of the potential damage.
ba_hutch



And this week we have the infrequent occurrence of double winners. Yep...

Jimmy takes his OCD to a whole new level.

and

Wow, wet was he thinking?


Now Moooooog's been a winner too many times to count. He's one funny fella. So it's nice to see he's joined by newcomer Georgina with a pun after my own heart. Congratulations you guys. You both be hangin' with the dufus. Yippee!

See everybody next week! Hey, and click on these guys links. They worked hard to get here. The least you could do is check them out. Over and out.


Friday, 26 November 2010

Which One's The Clown?


Prime Minister Stephen Harper (he's the one on the left) takes time out of his busy schedule this week to meet with Quebec's Bonhomme, the mascot of Quebec City's annual Winter Carnival.

The PM appears willing to do almost anything to improve his electoral chances in Quebec.

The length to which some politicians will go.

Rumour has it next week's photo op will be with Tin Tin, Asterix and Obelix.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Nothing Says Lovin' Like Turducken From The Oven



Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends today. At least we Canadians know how to space out the holidays. Our Turkey Day was in October which gives us far much more time for Christmas shopping!

Anyone having turducken this year?

Say what?

You heard me.

Turd what?

No, no. It's turducken.

You take a de-boned chicken and you stuff it into a de-boned duck and then you stuff that into a de-boned turkey. And if that's not enough stuffing you can stuff the cavities left over with, er, stuffing.

Turkey, Duck, Chicken

Turducken

Whew! That's some meal. Whoever thought that one up?

Well according to Wikipedia sometime in the 80s, some guy from Maurice, Louisiana took his three fowl friends to Herbert's Specialty Meats and asked Herb to do the dirty deed. An American tradition was born and Herb's been making turduckens ever since, up to 5,000 a week around Thanksgiving. So if you're a fan of turducken you can add Herb to your list of things to be thankful for.

Turduken got it's first major boost from, of all people, former TV football analyst John Madden who would introduce it to viewers and proceed to carve it with his bare hands. Later, he started awarding turduckens to members of the winning team in Fox TV's NFL Thanksgiving Bowl. I wonder if he served it to them too, using his unique carving method.

Madden no longer calls football games. But that won't stop me from celebrating (your) Thanksgiving. I'll be watching my own version of turducken...

Pigskin Hiken'

Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Pause Ponder and Pun #61

I hope this pic doesn't dampen your enthusiasm this week.

Leave your caption.

Saturday it'll all come out in the wash.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

Mama Always Said...


Remember this immortal line from the movie Forrest Gump?


Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.

A simple philosophy, shared by a simple man. But what you may not know is that the screenwriters of that film went through a number of drafts before the came to what they considered the most appropriate quote. Oh, yes. And I'd like to share with you today some of the gems they discounted.

First there were the other confection-related words of witticism.

Mama always said life was like a box of M&Ms.
Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

Mama always said life was like Reese's peanut butter cups.
Two great tastes that taste great together.

Mama always said life was like Doublemint gum or a three-way.
Double your pleasure, double your fun.

But the screenwriting team soon saw they were going in a direction they hadn't intended and decided to think more broadly utilizing a simpler construct.

Mama always said life was like a hammer.
You never know when you're gonna whack your thumb.

Mama always said life was like a toaster.
You never know when you'll get burned.

Are you picking up on the contrasting aspects of the two sentences? Let's try a few more.

Mama always said life was like a pair of pants.
You never know when you'll catch you junk in the zipper.

Mama always said life was like TSA security agents.
They've got the whole world in their hands.

The writers knew they were getting close with:

Mama always said life was like a bowl of ice cream.
If you don't eat it quickly on a hot day it'll melt all over your friggin' lap.

And they came pretty close to getting it when, after many hours in a tiny, locked, smokey room and several bottles of Jim Beam, they came up with the following, which I believe they left in the director's cut:

Mama always said life is not like a box of chocolates.
It's more like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today can burn your ass tomorrow.

And they thought they'd gotten it right when, just before that they'd come up with:

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You eat too many and you get the runs, Forrest, runs.

You see what the screenwriting process is like?

Mama always said you had to wade through a lot of crap
Before you could get to a box of chocolates.

Monday, 22 November 2010

Things That Go Ding Dong In The Night


There's something quite odd going on in our house. A couple of weeks ago Mrs. Dufus and I were parked in front of the television. We'd just settled in for the next instalment of The Amazing Race, at 8pm, when the doorbell rang. My wife got up to see who was at the door, she being closer. When she opened the door no one was there.

Odd. No. One. There. Was someone playing a trick on us? A little past Halloween, you know. Hmm.

Several nights later the wife and I had assumed our positions...in front of the television. We'd just started watching the 10pm news when ding dong. "Who the hell's at the door at this time of night?" I barked and this time I went to the door. There wasn't a soul in sight. Hmm.

The odd thing about this is we have security lights outside on motion detectors. Each time all was dark. Hmm.

The other morning at 5:30am I was awakened by...you got it...the doorbell. Now our doorbell doesn't just go ding dong. Oh, no, we had to set it to the tune Big Ben makes on the hour. You know: ding ding ding dong, ding ding ding dong. This can be pretty annoying when there actually are people at the door. More so at 5:30 in the morning when no one's there.

So we would seem to have some phantom modern-day Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Or maybe there's some kind of short in the system. But then it's wireless and runs on batteries.

Or maybe the racoons are paying us back for tying down the lid on the recycling bin.

But I guess you've gotta look on the bright side in all of this. At least there wasn't a flaming bag of crap on the doorstep.

Saturday, 20 November 2010

Pause Ponder and Human Pin Cushion


It was difficult to pin down a winner this week. Our entries were all so thought-provoking and piercing. Oh, and funny too. Let's get to it...

The year Ronald McDonald got hooked on smack



Spike couldn't figure out why he wasn't chosen for the 2011 Pin Up Calendar



Meet Mr. November in this year's Goth Culture Club's Charity Pin-Up Calendar!
Partial proceeds go towards helping victims of poor decision-making pay for
reconstructive surgery and laser tattoo removal.



And our winner, our own Bahama Mama, 00dozo @ When I Reach with...

Dudley Do-Right's estranged cousin, Studly So-Wrong

Way to go 00dozo. You see it pays to be o-pin-ionated! You may have dreaded coming up with a caption but once you locked in on one look what happened. Now you be hangin' with the dufus. W00t, W00t - yahoo!

See everybody back here next week for another round of Pause Ponder and Pun. Hey, and don't forget to click on the links of these guys for a good read. Tell 'em dufus sent ya.

Friday, 19 November 2010

Things I Do When I'm Not Blogging



So it's been a week now since I cut back on the blogging. Doing 14 posts a week across four blogs was getting to be a bit much. I was virtually eating and sleeping blogging.

My life has changed already. Yep. Here's some of the things I've been doing instead of blogging.

1. listening to more music

2. reading more books

3. visiting my brother, Whitey, in *spits* Toronto, or as Whitey likes to call it COTU (Centre Of The Universe)

4. shaving regularly

5. showering

6. dressing

7. eating

8. watching football without a computer in my lap

9. reading SPAM mail (boy, am I rich!)

10. sleeping


Not a bad start.

Thursday, 18 November 2010

Is That A Bomb In Your Junk Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?


You know there was a time when a guy would use a public toilet and didn't need to worry about having something to read. Nope. That's because the crapper stall wall was full of graffiti - enough to last the duration of your stay. I don't know why but my favourite was always something along the lines of "For a good time, call Bob's Mom at...". Ha, ha, I knew all my buddies' moms I didn't see any of them as providing me with a "good time".

But times change. There's less graffiti on the bathroom wall these days but there's more outside the bathroom for a guy to worry about. Take for instance the latest dust up around the approach being taken by TSA agents (Transportation Security Administration) in the States. Or maybe I should say the latest feel up.

I guess the terrorists have won. TSA agents are stepping up their efforts to protect the flying public. They now use x-ray machines that show so much you might as well strip down to pass through security checkpoints. Hardly surprising a guy might think he's trying out for a centre spread in Playgirl Magazine.

"Is it me or was that security check more thorough than usual?"

But that's not the worst of it. If you refuse the x-ray or if the agent determines it wasn't revealing enough, then you're going to be subjected to a pat down. From all accounts the pat down is fairly invasive. One guy was quoted widely as saying "If you touch my junk, I'm gonna sue you."

Then, of course, there may be flight delays because of this new procedure. Not because it slows things down in and of itself. Rather, some guys might enjoy it so much they may rush to the back of the line to subject themselves to being groped all over again. Hey, for some guys it may be the most romance they've experienced in months.

This man aroused...suspicion.

But there may be a downside to the TSA arousing such a reaction among the traveling public. I can see washroom attendants spending more time cleaning the graffiti in the airport facilities in the future. Scrubbing madly to remove such messages as "For a good time, call TSA agent #74 @ LAX".

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Pause Ponder and Pun #60

Okay guys. I need your o-pin-ion on this.

Stud-y the photo carefully.

Leave your sting-ing observations in the comments as per usual and we'll face up to things Saturday.


Monday, 15 November 2010

Say What? #5

From time to time I like to share with you guys definitions I've come up with for some of the more interesting verification words I've come across while signing on to your blogs. Here's my latest instalment...


The heroine in Stieg Larsson's Millenium series



What one hunter says to the other as they approach an unsuspecting pulark




Not entirely disingenuous





Not your log




Acronym for Don't Eat Some Silly Idiot's Stew




Where the rich people are asked to go in the theatre




There's couch surfing. This is when all you can afford is a cushion.





All that's left after your friends ate the rest of your tostitos
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