Monday, 30 November 2009

The Last Injustice




That's it. I've had it. That's the last god damned injustice I'll have to suffer through.

Ha, ha, ha...literally.

Throughout November's 30 days, the folks over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com, or who I sometimes like to call Huggy Bloggers Not Calm - among other things, have been running with the theme of injustice.

30 days! A whole month! 1/12th of a year! You think we get the point? Okay, okay, there's a lot of injustice out there. And nobody cares enough to do anything about it. Except a bunch of snivelling, snot-nosed, punch-line deprived humour bloggers (hey, I'm Canadian. I spell humour with a "u". Get over it. Don't get me going on THAT injustice.).

So like a dutiful member of this comedic cabal I've been writing a couple of posts a week about various injustices.



For example, November 3rd, I took racism head-on.

A few days later, on November 6th, I did another little story on injustice. I think it really measured up.

Then on November 9th I talked about a variety of injustices including an ever-growing problem.

Then, November 10th I took aim at a particular injustice. But I really wanted to get into this topic. You might say I chose it by design.

A few days later, on November 17th, I was back at it again, ranting and raving with my finger on the pulse... of yet another injustice. That's right. ANOTHER injustice.

But wait. I didn't stop there. Nooooo. On November 19th I really contributed to my developing oeuvre and came up with a piece that was perfect as a picture.

I was still hungry to combat injustice November 20th and went quick to the task as I thought it was appropriate to continue to raise awareness.

And then finally, my musings on injustice came to a dramatic conclusion November 24th.

Or so I thought. Silly me. I didn't realize this week still had a day from November for the month to run it's course. After 8 posts over 4 weeks about injustice I had certainly had enough. But noooooo.

Damn it.

November isn't over.

Now THAT's an injustice.

Hopefully, the last injustice.


Sunday, 29 November 2009

Sunday Funnies

What were political cartoonists up to last week?

Well, Thanksgiving came and went south of the border last week. All of a sudden Christmas is now right around the corner. Glenn Beck's making headlines. Some wonder why. And Oprah announced she'll soon be ending in her talk show.

In Canada, the former Liberal leader's wife took aim at Michael Ignatieff, the current Liberal leader, in a rant on Facebook. It was the latest in a series of gaffes experienced by the opposition Liberals. A top diplomat blew the whistle on alleged knowledge by Canadian soldiers that Taliban prisoners were being tortured after they were handed over to the Afghans. The allegations come on the eve of Stephen Harper's visit to China, where he was expected to raise China's human rights record. Oh, yeah. Seems we have something called the Grey Cup this weekend between the Montreal Alouettes and the Saskatchewan Rough Riders.











Saturday, 28 November 2009

...And Moooooog Shall Be Vanquished

Holy crap between here and my Facebook page we had about 40 captions submitted this week. I'm not sure if everyone wanted to beat Moooooog or if folks just have a thing for fat people. And the quality of these captions was amazing. People just had their thinking caps on this week. There was some funny, funny stuff...

For example, Moooooog, the master at our little contest came up with several good captions. One in particular cast a giant shadow (get it?):

When Jenny said that egg sandwiches go "right to her thighs" she really wasn't kidding.

Cat Lady Larew weighed in with (tee-hee):

The great thing about thunderthighs like Sylvia's is that you never have to waste money on bikini waxing.

Mr. Knucklehead made an impression [ ;) ;) ] with:

It's tough to keep smilin' with this air hose shoved up my ass but I'm a-tryin'

And Nooter demonstrated a heavy-duty sense of humour with:

e-harmony's match for the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man

But our winner this week is none other than our No-tell Motel Pal - Nipsy. Her over the top entry was:

As Edna stood up, the mystery of "Where's Waldo" was solved - Funeral services TBA...

Nips, I'm honoured someone other than Moooooog, and in particular you, be hangin with the Dufus! Congratulations.



Meanwhile, I'm quickly gaining somewhat of a reputation myself. Last Saturday I won my fourth Golden Piece of Crap over at ettarose's Craption contest. You remember ettarose? She's the one that put the turd in Saturday (I love that line). Anyway, here's the link to the award and the contest. I've won so many craps from ettarose some of my blogging buddies are saying I'm really full of shit. Uh, thanks Cat Lady. I think.


Friday, 27 November 2009

Down The Rabbit Hole


The best way to describe what I experienced the other night is this reference from Alice in Wonderland. I really know of no other way to explain it. After 6 weeks of chemo, the effects of the drugs have expanded beyond the insomnia on the days immediately following my chemo to vivid dreams, almost bordering on hallucinations later in the week. I think the sustained toxicity of these chemicals is starting to have an impact.

I take my chemo drugs on Monday. Usually, Monday and Tuesday nights I have difficulty sleeping. This week when I hit Wednesday I was pretty tired. I had chills, so early in the evening I put on my pajamas and settled down on the couch, under a blanket to watch TV. Come 9 o'clock I was off to bed. I slept in fits and starts. I awoke at 11. Again at 12:30. Then once more around 2 a.m. Then around 4 and again about 6 and I finally got up about 7. It was a rough night. I tossed and turned...and dreamed.

And boy, this was better than going to the movies. Weird, freaky stuff...entertaining to be sure.

Where the inspiration for these dreams came from, I don't know. But it made me wonder if Lewis Carrol ever underwent chemotherapy.

Say, before I let you go, did you know the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer?

The taste!

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Wednesday, 25 November 2009

The Stump Moooooog Caption Contest

OK, we've re-christened Pause, Ponder and Pun after our winningest captioner ever...Moooooog. Man this is like that nerdy guy's run on Jeopardy.

Now we all know Moooooog will submit 2 or 3 captions and they'll all be top-drawer. But I want the rest of you guys to put your thinking caps on and outdo him. It is possible. It can be done. I know you guys can do it. Please don't make me call this thing the Stump Moooooog Caption Contest...forever!

And speaking of stumps...sheesh.

Drop back Saturday to see who dethroned Moooooog.

Tuesday, 24 November 2009

The World's Ending in 2012? Now That's An Injustice!

The Month of Injustice marathon continues over at Huggy Bloggers Dot Com. Never have so many done so little for so few. But not me. Noooooo sirreee! I've been posting several blogs a week now aimed at combatting injustice, real or imagined. And it's time I draw your attention to the mother of injustices - and I'm not talking about Chelle B.

Shave my feathers and call me Chicken Little but were you aware the world was coming to an end? Well pluck me! How unjust is that? The apocalypse is upon us - you, me and the four horses you rode in on.

I'm talking about 2012.


OMG, it's the end of the world!

Here's the synopsis of the movie 2012 that hit theatres last week, where art supposedly imitates life:

Never before has a date in history been so significant to so many cultures, so many religions, scientists and governments. '2012' is an epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the survivors.

And here's an overview from Wikipedia on the year 2012, where life supposedly influences art:

The 2012 phenomenon comprises a range of eschatological beliefs and proposals, which posit that cataclysmic or transformative events will occur on or around December 21, in the year 2012, which is said to be the end of a 5,125 year-long Mayan Long Count calendar. These beliefs may derive in part from archaeoastronomical speculation, alternative interpretations of mythology, numerological constructions, or alleged prophecies from extraterrestrial beings.



Holy poop, sounds serious. We have to do something to prevent the injustice of such an apocalypse.

And my wife may want to re-think what she said to me the other day.

"Oh Dufus, you're only turning 60 in 2012. It's not the end of the world"

Yeah, right! Thanks, hon.

Monday, 23 November 2009

Sports and Sensitivity


Yesterday was another day of football in the Dufus household. Well, for one of us. I'm a long-time NFL fan. Not die-hard mind you; not a fanatic. But I love to watch the game. So when Sunday rolls around, anyone that knows me knows where to find me. In front of the TV.

I don't track stats so I don't know who has most yards rushing, most interceptions, most TDs and that kind of stuff. I don't know all the combatants; only a few marquee players like the Manning brothers of Indianapolis and New York, Giselle Bundchen's husband in Foxboro and Pittsburgh's Ben Roethlisberger and others famous for their notoriety like Michael Vick, Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco.

And I enjoy the pre-game shows. Hell, that's where I get my information. I usually start with Chris "Boomer" Berman on ESPN at 11:00 and flip over to J.B. and the boys on CBS at noon. I used to watch the Fox pre-game show but I got tired of Terry Bradshaw and when host James Brown jumped networks a couple of years back, I went with him.

I watch football for the articles

Now I don't watch the Sunday night game, or for that matter Monday night's game. I limit myself to the pre-game shows and the double-header Sunday afternoon. I figure 8 consecutive hours of football, once a week, is enough.

So don't worry, honey, I'm not about to start watching a double-header of college ball all day Saturday. I wouldn't watch THAT much football. Heaven's no, that's when they run the triple-header of NHL games. Hell, you think I'm insensitive or something?

Sunday, 22 November 2009

Sunday Funnies

It was a busy, busy week in political cartoon land last week. President Obama visited Japan and China where his bowing to the Japanese Emperor was seen as offensive by some back home. In Canada, a portly Member of Parliament took offense when another Member Twittered about his girth in a Parliamentary Committee.

Elsewhere, allegations were made that Canadian soldiers knew Taliban prisoners would be tortured when they handed them over to Afghan authorities. Sarah Palin's much anticipated book came out last week. And believe it or not, Bert and Ernie and all their Sesame Street buddies hit a significant milestone.







Saturday, 21 November 2009

A Lot of Kissing Up Going On


Okay, I think I'm just gonna call this caption contest Weekly Moooooog Mania. The moooooogster has turned in the winning caption for the second week in a row with....

And later that same evening President Ahmadinejad showed Ben his mighty warhead.

Well done moooooog. You be...

Oh, and by the way, last week I was hanging with Mad-Mad Margo. Yep, she awarded me a Golden Phallus for winning her caption contest last Saturday. You can read all about it here.
Thanks Margo. Of course the fact that I did a full-length feature of your contribution to the Humor Bloggers Dot Com Injustice Campaign probably had nothing to do with my success. Nah, I'd give it back if I thought my brown-nosing resulted in my receiving this award...not.

I practice safe brown-nosing




Friday, 20 November 2009

Political Correctness Run Amok

Before we go any further, I've got a question. What the heck is a mok anyway?

*Googles*

Let's see, the #1 ranked item is the Urban Dictionary and that says...

*Giggles*

Hmmm... no kidding?

Wait a minute is that my picture?

Oh, are you still here? Sorry I got sidetracked there. I wanted to get back to the topic at hand, the subject of today's injustice, our weekly Humor Blubberers Dot Com diatribe: political correctness. And today's question: has it run, urm, er, amok?

You know, I was willing to go along when people got offended by things like "the little lady" usually used in a sentence with "in the kitchen barefoot and pregnant" (those were the days) but now people have their politically correct radars on 24-7 and that's such a freakin' injustice.

News comes this week that political correctness has finally run amok. The U.S. Supreme court has refused to hear a case launched by Native Americans that the name of the NFL's Washington franchise is racist. (I guess their mommas didn't raise any fools.) Redskins? What's racist about that...it's a homage to the proud Native American Indians. Oh wait a minute, Native and Indian is redundant...but it's not racist. See what I did there? Now Rednecks would be racist. That'd be a slam against dumb, white-trash, trailer park people. And the NFL wouldn't do that. Hell, that accounts for half their demographic. Besides, it's not their name but their 3-6 record this season that's offensive!
An inflatable sphere made from the outer covering of a donut-eating human in a blue uniform.


But where does this stuff stop? People are upset with the MLB's Atlanta team - the Braves. Would they have us call them the Cowards. No, that would offend milquetoast, lilly-livered, teeny-weineyed wimps everywhere and we couldn't have that. They account for the majority of steroid-bulked up players too scared to play straight. How about...


Atlanta's 3rd sweater proving popular.

Political correctness isn't limited to sports. Oh, no. Since the Christmas season is almost upon us I thought I'd perform a little public service (you leave my mok out of this) and remind everyone we can't say that word anymore. It's too Christian centric. Now we have to say Happy Holidays. And holiday tree and festive turkey and so on. George Kostanza's Dad on Seinfeld had the right idea. He got rid of Christmas and substituted it with Festivus for the rest of us!



And if you're worried about what to sing at Chris... (damn) the holidays Ezine@rticles has a long list of what used to be Christmas Carols. But since that would offend all Christians named Carole we'll just have to call them holiday humables (catchy!). Here's my Top Five:

We Wish You a Merry Christmas
We Wish You A Merry Non-Religious-Specific Day Off In Winter

Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Oh Come All Ye of Extreme Loyalty To Non-Material Evidence

Little Drummer Boy
Vertically-Challenged Drummer Child of Undetermined Gender

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
I Saw My Gynocentric Guardian Kissing a Non-Gender Specific Person Who Is Known To Wear A Red Suit

Good Christian Men Rejoice
Evil Narrow-Minded Homophobic Racist Misogynist Men Get Drunk and Abusive

And to all a "good night"!

Thursday, 19 November 2009

Fun With Pic and Pain

While reluctant at first, the Prime Minister was warming up to these belly dance classes his wife had signed him up for

The Prime Minister of Canada, and his office, are known to control the media. The PM does a grave injustice to the Canadian people when he shuns news conferences, avoids reporters and photographers, issues tightly-scripted statements and shares "official" photos with media outlets that only show him in the best light.

Guess what? nonamedufus has found a couple of unofficial photos and as a public service has captioned them for your edification and amusement and, as the rest of the bloggers at Humor Blubbers Not Calm are doing this month, to right one of the many injustices in our society today. So while being constantly subjected to staged events and pics from the Prime Minister's Office is a pain, today turnabout is fair play...

Mario "Jack Knife Lopez and Stephen Harper share an extra awkward moment.


Charles, just take the hat and blankets and go home. It worked for the Indians.


And then Diana told me, 'Pshaw, it's only this big...'


And then Camilla told me, 'Pshaw, it's really this big...'


Stephen Harper and the woman behind his H1N1 roll-out strategy


The Prime Minister comforts Marlon, Tito and Jermaine on Michael's passing


One of these men is handicapped


Prime Minister, I'm afraid he sunk your battleship


Hmm, that could be our new campaign slogan


Should five per cent appear too small, be thankful I don't take it all, 'cause I'm the taxman


* Photos courtesy of Canadian Press
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