Saturday, October 31, 2009
Friday, October 30, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome
The pumpkins were carved by the front door with care
In hopes the Addams family soon would be there
The children were costumed in orange, black and red
While visions of chocolate bars danced in their heads
Ma wore a kerchief, and I in my cap
Had just locked the door for a ten minute crap
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
I sprang from the throne to see what was the matter
I leaned to zip up my pants in a flash
And inflicted on my hoo-haw a most hurtful gash
The moon on the breast of the woman below
Gave the lustre of mid-day to Elvira - she glowed
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear
But Father Roy with a six pack of beer
With a little young boy, who's name was Nick
I knew in a moment I must act real quick
More rapid than eagles my curses they came
And I whistled and shouted and called him names
Now Father you pervert, stop prancing you vixen
Is the the six beers why you're half blitzen?
From the top of the porch! From the top of the wall!
I bashed away, bashed away, he had a great fall
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky
So Father Roy ran off down the street
I've never seen any one so fast on their feet
And then in a twinkling I could hear myself say
Ma carved the pumpkin? No friggin' way!
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around
Down the hallway came Ma, I immedately frowned
He was tightening his grip she started to drool
Drop by Humor Bloggers Dot Com all week for more Halloween hi-jinks!
Monday, October 26, 2009
The folks over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com are celebrating all things ghoulish and gobliny - with the odd zombie thrown in - all week during their Halloween Humor Carnival. In keeping with that theme, today I've decided to take a look at something that scares the bejeezus out of most Canadians...
Few people know of the Canadian connection to Halloween. Were you aware of the secret society in the Haunted House of Commons that worships at the feet of the electorate? Oh yes. According to that well-known and respected source of information - dufuspedia - Halloween has it's origins in the ancient political festival known as election which is derived from Lower Canada and means "sanity's end".
The celebration has some elements of a "festival of the very stupid". The ancient Lower Canadians believed the border between bad government, this world, and good government, or Otherworld, became thin at election, allowing spirits (both harmless and harmful) to pass through. The nation's ancestors were honoured and invited to form a government whilst harmful, sitting politicians were warded off. It is believed that the need to ward off harmful spirits led to the signing of cardboard ballots with Xs. Today this is known as "craps".
In Canada's last Halloween the following ghosts and goblins "crossed over".
Stephen "Kiss Me Quick" Harper - masquerading as a Prime Minister
Michael Enigmatieff - leader of the Official Nanny, Nanny, Boo-boos
Gilles "Boo" Duceppe - leader of the Bloc Heads
Jack O'Lantern Layton - NDP (National Demon Party) Leader
Of course the scariest aspect of this festival is the day after Halloween known as Save All Our Souls Day, otherwise known as the day after the election.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
One morning, a woman and her baby wee taking the bus. As she entered the bus the driver says, "Wow, that is one ugly baby!"
A man was driving when a trafic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
So I'm sitting here thinking. Yeah, just thinking. And staring at this huge empty page. It's not often that the words fail to come, that the thoughts don't crystallize, that the jokes and the puns don't fall into place. But every once in awhile...it happens.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Saturday, October 17, 2009
The L.A. Police, in an effort to soften their bad-boy image, are testing a fleet of prototype vehicles. Here, Officer Golstrom demonstrates a model with a convenient donut basket.
George was delighted to be accepted into the Barbie Police Academy. He gets his pink uniform next week.
eric estrada fail
Brian Miller said...
due to the budget crunch...police have downsized their pursuit vehicles...the reduction in crime is attributed to suspects laughing to death.
But our hands-up winner this week has got to be Joel Klebanoff who hit me where I live, with:
The Aylmer, Quebec police force has had to make a few cutbacks.
Little does Joel - or anybody else - know but the Aylmer police force is suffering through cutbacks and have been working without a contract for two years. They wear camouflage pants and jeans to express their displeasure.
So, Joel, congratulations dude. You be hangin' with dufus!!!
And finally, I won Kirsten's Mom Likes Me Best caption contest last week! Again!!!