Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Pause, Ponder and Pun


Every time there's a gay pride parade, an angel gets his wings.
Uh-huh. I've showed you mine, now you show me yours. Good luck. See you Saturday for the winner. Same batty place, same batty channel.

Tuesday, 29 September 2009

Say What #2

Back in July I ran the initial post in what I think is going to be a series. Today installment #2. Over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com, where they change the style and format more often than her mean uncle moves the furniture around at Helen Keller's place, there's a forum thread called The Humpty Dumpty Dictionary Challenge where members contribute words they've found from a blog's word verification box along with their own definitions.

Here are some of my recent contributions...

When you throw little Jr into the pool to teach him to swim you better hope he's:





(boy+bouyant=boyant)


***




The politically correct term for bus boy!

***





The perfect word verification for HumorBloggersDotCom

***


What happens when your clambake lasts too long...




***





What the parachute instructor says as he pushes you from the plane



***





Few people know that Sting wrote the first draft of So Lonely in the loo. Uh-huh, yep. And when he changed the lyric to "lonely" he had a hit on his hands...


Well, someone told me yesterday
That when you throw your love away
You act as if you just don't care
You look as if you're going somewhere
But I just can't convince myself
I couldn't live with no one else
And I can only play that part
And sit and nurse my broken heart, so looly
So looly, so looly, so looly
So looly, so looly, so looly
So looly, so looly, so looly
So looly, so looly


Now you see why this series only runs periodically.

Monday, 28 September 2009

Comment Allez-Vous?

I know that means "How are you?" in English, or in recent vernacular "Wassup?" But a literal translation might be more along the lines of "Are you going to comment?"

Why do I raise this? Well, follow along. Bloggers, in particular humour bloggers, are a unique bunch. They love to let their imaginations run wild. And they love to write, to share their innermost thoughts in a periodic blog post. But they're immensely insecure. They crave feedback! It's like a drug and bloggers can't create until they're satiated in piles of prop-up praise.

Writing a blog is a blast. What used to be putting pen to paper is now putting finger to keypad but the creative force remains the same and it gives a writer a chance to express him/herself to an interested audience. Not that the majority will make any money from this. A comment here and there, though, is viewed as a reward of riches (oh, pull-eeze!). Nevertheless, a comment or two will help soothe the savage beast; stroke the ego - a comment from a poster will go a long way to placate the postee. (Okay now we're stretching it.)

But feedback is so important. A comment on a blog will go right to a blogger's head. It'll help feed the creative process. And it'll let a blogger know that more than just his mom and her blue-rinse-set residents at the home are taking any notice of what he has to say.


I don't raise this for me. Ohhh, nooooooo. I raise it for all the lonely little wordsmiths around the world who create massive masterpieces alone and misty-eyed in dimly lit rooms with poor ventilation, a half-drunk bottle of scotch and the remnants of a super-size bag of Ruffles potato chips scattered across his chest and stomach and onto his laptop keyboard. (Don't other bloggers work like this?)

Don't be a drive-by blog visitor, a premature e-post c ya later. Don't pull out just when the post hits its climax. Stay a while. Don't love posts and leave 'em. Have a smoke and leave some feedback. (ie., "That was good for me.")


Jimi Hendrix and Pete Townsend leave feedback.
It worked for these guys! It can work for you, too!

Sunday, 27 September 2009

Sunday Funnies

It was quite the week on the geopolitical front last week with Iranian President Iamanutjob speaking at the United Nations. Boy he sure stirred things up and many nations walked out on his speech in boycott. President Obama addressed the international forum too but not before a blitz of the media capital of New York in an effort to preach the good word about his health care reforms. In a somewhat muted development Diebold announced they were getting out of the vote counting business. And the editorial cartoonists, bless their hearts, caught it all...








Saturday, 26 September 2009

Not Your Average White Band


Hey I said NOT your Average White Band (hmmm, Ive always liked that album cover). But techincally this post is about AWB but in this case that's Award Winning Bloggers, brought to you today in 3 parts:



Part I
Screw You and The Elephant You Rode In On


Well, everyone managed to take a potshot at POTUS this week. It wasn't exactly what you'd call a flattering picture. In fact, it was downright gay. It only makes sense that some of the comments were too. Let's see who said what...

lotgk came up with

Adam Lambert has nothing on me.



So... this is what Glenn Beck sees every time he looks at the President, eh? No wonder he cries all the time.


and Don posted

Think I'm stuntin' like my daddy now? Ya should get a load of what I'm sitting on!


But our real Washington weiner this week was moooooog with his Obama double-whamma:

..and you people wonder why I vote Republican.

and

Obama later regrets having his inauguration suit designed by the Queer Eye guys.





moooooog, I hope you don't mind hanging with Dufus, yet AGAIN, man. Way to go.



Part II
Mom Likes Me Best


No, we're not running an old Smothers Brothers routine here. Kirsten, over at The Soccer Mom Files is one of my comic caption contest competitors and this week I won her contest.




That melon diet can be tricky but I'm willing to try if I can just get my head around it.




Thanks Kirsten. I have lusted in my heart for this award for some time. I'm happy I can finally add it to my collection.

Part III

Keep It Down On the QT Quirkyloon Or People Will Talk

One of my all-time favourite bloggers, the zombie-loving, rock and roll-singing, rhyming, joking, parodying, satirizing - well you get the picture - all-round funny blogger Quirkyloon has given me another award. Sheesh, this is gettin' to be like a mutual admiration society bloggy-style. Thanks, Quirks that was thoughful. And here's that award...

I what? I have to come up with 5 obsessions? And I have to pass it on to 5 people? Hmmm... why is that song The Way We Were going through my mind? Sing it Barbara...

Meme-ries,

Light the corners of my mind

Misty water-colored meme-ries

Of the way we were

Okay, okay. Thanks Quirks. That was sweet. 5 Obsessions?

1. Music, good old-fashioned rock and roll in particular. And evidence of this obsession can be found at dufusdownbeat my music blog

2. Humour. And some of the wackiest knobs on the web can be found at my 2nd home Humor Bloggers Dot Com

3. I'm kinda addicted to captioning. And the fruits of my loins, er, ah, labours can be found at Dufusawards where I keep my hardware. I shine it every 2 weeks!

4. I love visiting my fellow humour bloggers. I have so many favoutites I can't get to as many as I'd like regularly. Maybe YOU could visit them. I pass on this Fabulous Award to all of them! Go check 'em out on my blog roll at A Bunch of Clowns.

5. Finally I obsess about Quirks. She's one of the blogs I visit every day for my funny fix and I never come away disappointed. She hangs out at Musings Of A Quirkyloon.

Thanks again Quirks. And to show my appreciation I've written you a little poem. It's just a coincidence that you happen to be running a contest for the best Zombie Poem. This has nothing to do with that. Heck, no.

A Zombie Poem

Around each dark street corner she lurks

Sipping Diet Pepper, munching gherks

She's slightly insanze
Looking for brainz
Our rocknroll, zombified Quirks
Man, this post had so many damn links in it I almost feel like Jimmy Dean!
*

Friday, 25 September 2009

US and Them #16

What do the leaders of Canada, the United States and Iran, a big gun and doughnuts have in common? Stay tuned...all shall be revealed.

The United Nations in New York this week was the focus of considerable media attention. A guy who's name hardly anyone can pronounce, and couldn't care less if they do, who last year at the same forum denied the existence of the Holocaust was set to speak again. President Obama, fresh from fishing for compliments via a media saturation blitz, was set to make his maiden UN address. And Canada's PM skipped the whole affair in favour of a coffee and a doughnut, prompting many Canadian news outlets running the story to slug it "Doughnuts (okay, okay "donuts" for you Yanks) over Diplomacy".

Obama, to his credit, despite waning public support at home demonstrated he still has the "it" factor internationally. As the Toronto Star editorialized "...Obama cut a bold figure on the world stage yesterday, delivering a forward-looking, energetic message to the United Nations General Assembly. George Bush has left the building."

That fish musta been this big.

Fresh from tete-a-tete-ing with Obama only the week before in Washington, Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper was nowhere to be seen. Far from cutting a bold figure, Harper was contributing to his wide one, chowing down on Tim Horton's doughnuts in Oakville, Ontario at a photo-op to announce the return to Canada of the Timbit.

Many Canadians might be surprised to know their favourite Canadian icon has been owned by Wendy's for the last 15 years and only because of a vote of it's shareholders is it returning to Canadian turf to take advantage of Canadian tax legislation. Perhaps this is just the start. Maybe other American-owned Canadian icons will return. There's a rumour the Hudson's Bay Company could well be repatriated. But, as I often do, I digress.

Go Longhorns, yeah!

Back in New York, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was given the podium. Harper, enjoying a Timbit or two with his buds in Oakville had sent Foreign Affairs Minister Lawrence Cannon - his big gun, as it were - to replace him. But Cannon, consistent with Canadian policy, walked out to boycott the Iranian leader's speech.

A-ha, all is revealed. Contrary to the majority of Canadian media reports, there may be one in the doughnut but there's no hole in our diplomatic efforts. If he was just going to walk out anyway, why would Harper travel all the way to NYC? Brilliant, Steve. And, instead, our PM basked in the glow of an appreciative electorate, thankful for the return of one of our native sons to our native land. Who knows. We start with Tim's and soon we can repatriate all our foreign-owned icons...bit by bit.


Oooo......hot, hot, hot!

Thursday, 24 September 2009

Savage Similarities

If you're arriving from Theme Thursday you probably know where this is going. If not play along and see if you can tell what the following 10 pictures have in common.











All these pics have the theme "wild" in common. Let's check:
1. Wild West hero Wild Bill Hickock
2. A great book and even greater movie directed by Sean Penn Into The Wild
3. Nicolas Cage in the David Lynch film Wild At Heart
4. A funny, funny take on weekend warriors the film Wild Hogs
5. "Sticky Fingers" is the Rolling Stones album with the song Wild Horses

6. This little fella's being sent on a wild goose chase
7. ...ahem...I think these two are from Girls Gone Wild
8. Charlie Sheen aka "Wild Thing" in the movie "Major League"

9. In the 60s the Troggs sang about Charlie's doppleganger Wild Thing
10. And if you made it this far pour yourself a shot of Wild Turkey bourbon
Wasn't that wild?!

Check out Theme Thursday for more wild goings-on today.

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Pause, Ponder and Pun


Headline: Oh-mama Obama - POTUS Gives New Meaning to Bi-racial
That's mine.
What's yours?
This is a democracy.
We'll put it to a vote and see who emerges victorious.
Catch you Saturday...

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

Indiana Jones and The Paraders of the Last Lark

"I've still got it"


What is it with Hollywood's pre-occupation with sequels? It's not enough to produce one movie? You can't come up with a fresh idea for a new movie? You gotta go back to the well two... three... even four times?
^
In 1981, Harrison Ford starred in a hugely successful movie called Raiders of the Lost Ark. It was so successful George Lucas and Steven Spielberg decided to do a sequel in 1984 and Harrison Ford starred in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. It was so successful... ...yeah, you got it - H.F. in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade in 1989.
^
Not content with...
a) a trilogy of movies
b) a trilogy of mega-profits
c) with their last movie having the word "last" in the title, or
d) all of the above
^
...Messrs Ford, Lucas and Spielberg came out with a fourth in the franchise, last year's Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull .
^
At 65, Ford was practically using a walker for the latest installment. Now comes word, there may be a FIFTH adventure committed to celluloid.
^
That's right, currently 67, Ford says if the script was right, he'd do it. Let's see, once the script is written, financing is arranged, actors are cast and the blockbuster is filmed Ford'll be lucky if he's still this side of 70.
^
So, possible titles?
^
Indiana Jones: Raider of the Lost Spark
*
Indiana Jones and the Heartbreak of Psoriasis
**
Indiana Jones and the Dementia of Gloom
***
Indiana Jones and the Last Bowel Movement
****
Indiana Jones and Are You Out Of Your Friggin' Skull?
*****
In Da Knee Bones: Arthritis of Doom
******
Indiana Jones: I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up
*******
Indiana Jones and The Last Time, We Really, Really Promise, Cross Our Hearts and Die
********

"Ya can't do it without me!"

Monday, 21 September 2009

Splendor In The Grass

I have a confession to make. I'm having an affair. For the past 8 years or so Big Red and I have been meeting every week to cut loose. The contours of her sleek and smooth oriental body drive me wild. And her pert little seat, covered in black leather, really puts me over the edge. She's a little rock and roller. And how she loves to move!

It began as a summer romance. In our first encounter we made mad love in the tall grasses. And I really shouldn't say this but each time we meet she really makes me sweat. She makes me work hard. And when she revs up she really gets me going.

Throughout the years she's never steered me wrong. Our relationship has run smoothly for the most part, with some minor bumps here and there.

But I've got to tell you in terms of the complete package, she's a well oiled machine. She never chokes, indeed when she opens up it's at full throttle. And a sense of humour? She's a real cut up.
But all is not as it should be between us. Lately Big Red's been a little unresponsive. She just doesn't seem to get a charge out of me anymore and, I'm sad to say, has been going elsewhere in search of a spark. After 8 years, I can't seem to turn her on anymore. Our course of true love is not running smoothly and now she's giving me the gears.

Farewell my lovely. I can take a hint. We've weathered the hills and valleys, the twists and turns. I've tried to keep our relationship on the straight and narrow but now you want to sever things between us, to cut it off. And as your memory fades like blades of grass blowing in the wind, I'll remember the fun we had together, running through those fields of green.

...in search of a spark

...in happier times

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...