The Time Is At Hand

Last week we ran a post on feet. This week, to be fair, we provide equal time to hands - no not the guy who wrote about the Dutch speed skater - but those appendages at the end of your arms.

Hands figure prominently in our society. For example, lately you can't open a paper, change a channel or visit a website without reading about government hand-outs...

They figure prominently in Michaelangelo's depiction of creation with the hands of God and Adam...

Here's an updated version but they aren't exactly depicting creation...in fact they're advocating the exact opposite...

Where would sports be without hands. In football, plays are made or broken on the importance of hands. Hey, did you about the football game in the leper colony? Seems there was a hand-off in the backfield.

I have no idea of the utlity of these and even less of an idea of what to say about them. What next? Bermuda shorts for hands? Shoes for fingers?

This is Venus de Milo. I didn't know her personally but people tell me you really had to hand it to her.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my round about way of using a cheap literary device known as a segue. It seems our dear blogging bombshell Quirkyloon has handed me a little something called the Superior Scribbler Award. She herself was presented with this award last week and must pass it on to 5 bloggers she feels excel at blog writing. Quirks, I'm honoured. Thank you.
Now a blogger takes a chance in passing these things on. Some view this as the equivelant of being sent junk mail or spam. But the criteria for this award is writing excellence, not whether you pass on the award or not. For my money these guys are funny, funny and have a wicked way with words they're the "creme de la creme" blogs out there right now...

Don @ Beyond Left Field
Joel @ Stuff and Nonsense

Joe @ Crochety Old Man Yells at Cars (he's currently yelling at doctors)

"Frank" @ I Probably Don't Like You

MikeWJ @ Too Many Mornings

So guys, you're the best - hands down...

Here's your fine print, guys:
*Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.

*Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.

*Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.

*Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!

Sunday Funnies

One event transcended all others last week and that was the death Thursday of Senator Edward Kennedy. The so-called Kennedy dynasty lost it's last living member, something not lost on America's editorial cartoonists...

A Winner Who Doesn't Rugby The Wrong Way

Lot's of great captions this week. They all made me laugh.

For example, past winner Renal Failure just missed the net with

This is NOT how we greet the Queen, Richard.

And newcomer TheWordWire hit the post with

Hey, I got your World Cup right here.

Perennial honourable mention lotgk narrowly missed with

Lady Gaga...

Sans makeup

But Quirkyloon lived up to her name, going in a completely different direction, coming out of left field and scoring big with this off-the-wall winning bullet...

Mmmmmm Aaaaaa Zzzzzz Dddddd Aaaaaa

Mazda dance.

Ah we can dance if we want to,

we can leave those cars behind

Cause your cars don't dance

and if they don't dance

Well they're no cars of mine!

Way to go Quirks. You be hangin' with Dufus. And ,thanks to Don, last week's winner over at Beyond Left Field, we now have an inscribed Dufus suitable for mounting, er, ah, hanging, um make that displaying. Congrats my friend - well deserved.

An Ode to Feet

This little ditty's really quite neat

And pays homage to hooves, dogs - feet!

Some folks love to dip them in the pool

Others use them to be quite the fool

Some I've seen full of tats

These are Usain Bolt's, what's up with that?

Some folks bronze them 'cause they love them so much


Others get close, play footsie and such


Some get scraped, bloody and bruised


Others sport dainty fuck-me shoes

These ones I saw sitting in a movie seat

And these are so tiny and perfect and neat

Most people's have a total of (count 'em) ten toes

But very few can successfully touch them to their nose!

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Pump those little feet of yours and run don't walk over to Humor Bloggers Dot Com and see how other bloggers have played footsie today.

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Today's the last day for this week's caption contest.

Winner announced tomorrow

What Follows Limnology in the Dictionary? Limo!

You know when I lay awake at nights counting sheep or the hairs on my nose I think of all kinds of things. Like at what point does partly cloudy become partly sunny? Or why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?

Last night I got to thinking and pulled out the dictionary, opened it to a random page, closed my eyes and stabbed with my finger, landing upon the word "limnology". What? I can't write about that! Besides the theme for this week's Theme Thursday is "limo".

Limo it is.

You know, those fancy cars? Limousines? I know I'll never afford to buy one, let alone rent one for a special occasion. They're meant for celebrities pulling up at awards shows. You know when they're not driving their hybrid Hummers.

But there are some less traditional limos out there and you just know I'm gonna highlight them for you...

I might be able to afford a French cow...



Or maybe a German fruit drink...


I perhaps could afford this limo from a red-neck neighbourhood...

Or this limo from an Afghan neighbourhood...

I'm really hot to trot for this Amish limo...

Think I'm pullin' yer leg (yuk, yuk)? Well, just to prove there's no photoshoppin' going on here's another pic...with the Amish passengers and Amish chauffeur included.

Cool, huh?

Of course the most famous limo chauffeur of all was Robert De Niro in the movie Taxi Driver. Here's a little Sesame Street homage...

And finally, here's some limo humour (like this post wasn't?). Did you hear the one about...

The limousine was taking the beautiful raven-haired model to the airport. Halfway there, the front tire went flat. The model said, "Driver, I don't have time to wait for road service. Can you change it yourself? " The driver said, "Sure. " He got out of the car and proceeded to change the tire, but couldn't get the wheel cover off. The model saw him struggling and asked, "Do you want a screwdriver? " He said "Sure! But, first I have to change this tire. "

Be sure and visit Theme Thursday for more limos.

Pause, Ponder and Pun

Athletes are a special breed. Like this guy.

I knew soccer players had leather balls but I didn't expect a demonstration!

Are you a winner?

Be a player.

The goal is to leave us your best caption.

Are you game?

We'll field all comers.

Try and kick it up a notch.

We'll score the winner Saturday.

iCame, iSaw, iPhone

You know the “me-generation” has reached it’s zenith – no pun intended – when their technological gadgets are named “I”.

Zenith, by the way, for all you iTrivia buffs, is a former American manufacturer of televisions; the inventor of the modern remote control, and; - something for which I’ll always bow down and worship them for – they introduced HDTV to North America. Now, alas, Zenith has for some time hit it’s nadir and belongs to LG Electronics of South Korea! But, as is often the case, iDigress.

The first self-indulgently named iThing was the iPod. Today the iPod comes in shuffle, nano, touch and classic. Funny, I thought iTouch was something else and if you did it enough you’d go blind. But again, iDigress.

Let’s for a moment ponder over the iPod. With this device you can download music to a wallet size, virtually wafer thin device via your computer and play it back anywhere using headphones or something called a docking station. Space-age , indeed. Too bad the quality of the music wasn’t space age, too. For my money – and iPods and all their accompanying iGadgetry can be expensive – give me a big honking stereo in my living room.




You know the only thing remotely close to an iPod that ever gave me real pleasure was a T-shirt I bought my baby grandson with the phrase iPood emblazoned on the chest! Although, his mother wasn’t nearly as impressed as I was.


Then there’s the iPhone. How self-aggrandizing is that – something called an “I” Phone! But this, however, regardless of what it’s called, I can understand. It’s gone beyond being just a cell phone. With over 25,000 applications and counting you can follow a GPS system all the way to Antarctica, catch all your favourite TV shows, and play a gazillion iGames including something called “Shake The Baby” – something for all you iWanna-Be baby killers out there to pass the time. Shake The Baby aside, the iPhone is the ultimate gadget for the ultimate techno-geek. iWant one!

And what’s next? The ultimate in personal grooming – the iComb? How about the next breakthrough in the bathroom – the iToilet? Or the iShower? (Why am I stuck in the bathroom?)

One has to admit, personal communications technology has come a long way in a very, very short time. And the way we communicate, using these devices, has changed too.

Facebook, MySpace (another “me-me” name!) Twitter, Flickr – all these “social network” platforms didn’t exist a decade ago. Now, they’re as common today, as the black rotary telephone (the what? –isn’t that politically incorrect?) was in it’s day. And back in it’s day, that is to say my day, it was called “the” phone not “i”Phone.

So social networking has come a long way. It brings people together, even though they’re miles apart. Although, as my wife likes to say: social networking is anti-social because it replaces face-to-face contact. Let’s face it. People are lazy. They’d rather send some one an e-mail or a Tweet than actually have to see them.

Mobile phoning, e-mailing, texting, Facebooking, Twittering – the options are endless. However, our missives or messages are not. Take for example Facebook and Twitter where the user is limited to the number of words he or she uses in their status updates. It’s like the popularity of these social networks rests on the degree of Attention Deficit Disorder possessed by the user. For heaven’s sake even news organizations are using Twitter, a platform which limits “Tweets” to 140 characters, to get the news out. And they wonder why newspapers are dying?

It’s kind of funny that the corollary of the quality of our technology improving is that the quality of our communications has gotten worse. Would Hemmingway, Frost - Shakespeare for that matter - approve? I don’t know. Me? I now live in a generation who’s motto would appear to be “iTweet, therefore iAm”.

She's A Very Quirky Girl!

One of the funniest bloggers in all of blogdom has got to be Quirky Loon. She writes about zombies and other meaningful musings and sometimes she and I trade obscure rock and roll lyrics. Late last week she did a hilarious take off on Ice Ice Baby called Zom-bie Baby. I figured the best way to let her know what I thought of it was to return the favour. So, with apologies to Rick James, here's my homage to Super Quirk...

Super Quirk

She's a very Quirky girl

And a very funny blogger

She will never let your spirits down

Once she comments on your blog, ow girl

She likes the boys on the blogs

She says that I'm her all-time favorite

When I make my move to her blog it's the right time

She's always friggin' funny

That girl is pretty wild now

The girl's a super Quirk

The kind of girl you you read about

On Musing's blogazine

That girl is pretty Quirky

The girl's a super Quirk

I really love to read her

Every zombie tale

She's alright, she's alright

That girl's alright with me, yeah

She's a zombie freak, zombie freak

She's super freaky, yow

Quirky freak, Quirky freak

She's a very special Quirk

The kind of Quirk you want to know

From zombie brain down to her toenails

Down to her feet, yeah

And she'll write to me on my blog with her comments

In a line or two

Going back to Quirky Loon

Three's not a crowd to her, she says

"Visitors: 714, I'll be writing"

When I get there she's got zombies, jokes and musings

It's such a Quirky blog...

...She's a super Quirk, a super Quirk

Sunday Funnies

This week's look back at highlights from editorial cartoonists focuses on sports. Last weekend, the unexpected happened in the world of golf. Meanwhile in the world of football two quarterbacks made anticipated comebacks. It remains to be seen if their resurrections will be viewed as the second-coming... or, I guess in one instance the third...

Walking In A Winner Wonderland

Not only was this week's pic a tad bizarre, but it was hard for folks to come up with a caption. But they tried, they really tried.



For example Quirky Loon came up with:

Pack this you tub of derm!

(Get it? Pack...you...derm = pachyderm! Great one Quirks.)

Always among our honourable mentions lotgk posted:

Even the animals are going berserk in Britney Spears Circus tour.

But it was Don Beyond Left Field who scored a winner with:

Sorry old boy, but we have no room for your trunk.

Way to go Don. You have the privilege this week to tell yer blogger homies...

I Be Hangin' With nonamedufus!

Thanks to all who played. Tune in next week. Same time, same blog.

And keep on trunkin'

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Bloggin' Brouhahas

The Internet really is an amazing source for information. Sites for news, sports, entertainment, music...the choices are as many as the quantity of the sites themselves. Here are a couple of items I came across this week that tickled my funny bone.

First off to politics. A couple of months ago our Governor General got into a bit of a brouhaha when she visited Northern Canada and ate a piece of raw heart from a seal. This week, our Prime Minister is carrying the flag in the far North and CanWest reporter David Akin sent this tongue-in-cheek tweet:

Buzz in Iqaluit this morning: @pmharper photo op this morning will involve seals -- possibly the edible kind. GG eat your heart out :)

Move over octomom! Our next brouhaha can be found in Tunisia where the Daily Telegraph is reporting a woman there is set to give birth to 12 babies. She's ignited a medical controversy because she wants to have them naturally. Her hubby must be singing that old Lionel Richie nugget "Once, twice, three times, four times, five times, six times, seven times, eight times, nine times, ten times, eleven times, twelve times a lady." Or all 12 verses of "You're Having My Baby."

Get this. Police in Long Beach, New Jersey created a brouhaha when they took Bob Dylan into custody and didn't even know who he was. Media reports had fun with this one. Dylan was out in the rain wearing two raincoats over a hooded track suit purportedly checking out one of Bruce Springsteen's childhood homes. He does this from time to time. When he played Winnipeg recently he visited Neil Young's childhood residence. In Jersey though someone in the house called the cops after they saw Bob peeking in a window. He had no ID and even though he said he was Bob Dylan, the guys in blue were skeptical. So, I wonder if the guy in the house told Bob "go away from my window, leave at your own chosen speed" And did his entourage ask him after he was released "how does it feel to be on your own like a complete unknown?" I guess now he knows what it's like "to be stuck inside of Jersey with the Long Beach blues again". And I wonder if the cops said to their unidentifiable perp:

Because something is happening here

But you don't know what it is

Do you, Mister Jones?

Finally, this story. I and everyone else not from Toronto love to put Toronto down. Me - because my brother lives there. Everyone else - because it's like our national past-time. Well Coors Light in British Columbia has undertaken an ad campaign that's got Torontonians up in arms. What's causing all the fuss? One little billboard:


Yesterday, bowing to public pressure (of overly sensitive Torontonians!) Coors decided to pull the ad. Now, THAT's what you'd call a brew-ha-ha!

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Last day to leave a caption. Winner to be announced tomorrow.

Me And My Shadow

A bit of a departure today. Last week I started participating on the Theme Thursday website. Each Sunday the Theme Thursday folks post a weekly theme and ask idea-starved bloggers - such as myself - to participate. For example, last week the theme was "festivals" and I decided to do a piece on the 40th anniversary of Woodstock over on my music blog dufusdownbeat.

This week, the theme is "shadow". There are various ways to go on this theme but when I first saw it I immediately thought of something I'd posted some time ago, back when nonamedufus was more of a picture and video blog. It's from an appearance on the David Letterman show of Australian hand shadow specialist and "Unusualist" Raymond Crowe. I think you'll be as amazed as I was when you watch this.



If you're interested in being further amazed, visit Raymond Crowe's website. And be sure to visit Theme Thursday and click on the links to see how my blogging buddies there have dealt with this week's theme...

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Don't be a Dumbo. Enter this week's caption contest.

Pause, Ponder and Pun

Did you hear the one about the elephant on a double-decker bus? No? Tusk, tusk, tusk.

Okay that was really bad. But YOU can come up with a better one (or worse, depending on your point of view). This is the pic for this week's caption contest. Good luck folks. The winner will be announced Saturday.

Oh and visit my award-giving humour blogger buddies the captivating Kirsten at The Soccer Mom Files and the ever enchanting Ettarose at Sanity on Edge if you've still got a hankering for captioning!