Wazzername and I sat down and watched a movie this evening - Mamma Mia on DVD. Now I never really liked ABBA the first time around, nor purchased any of their records but I seemed to know almost every single tune in the soundtrack. I now understand the popularity of the stage production, followed by the movie - but I'm still scratching my head over the popularity of A,B,B and A.
Now I don't know what happened to the the svelte and comely A and A, but B and B, the two responsible for what I once considered musical dreck, must have gone on to become multi-millionaires. The movie's definately a feel good film and whoever strung the story line between the songs should be given an award. As should Meryl Streep who was simply priceless in the movie...and she could sing:
And she did get an award. Meryl Streep won UK's National Movie Award for Best Actress. And who won a Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor? Her screen buddy Brosnan, Pierce Brosnan.
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Brian Jones
Brian Jones, founding member of the Rolling Stones, was born on this day in 1942. He died at the age of 27, found face down in his swimming pool.
Here, Brian and the Stones can't get no Satisfaction...
Friday, February 27, 2009
Tell Me
I remember seeing this on Red Skelton's TV show in 1964! Red Skelton and The Rolling Stones are an odd pairing but Tell Me (You're Coming Back To Me) is a fine example of the bluesy music the Stones were doing at the time. This is my favourite period of the Stones, the early years prior to Brian Jones' death in 1969.
ABOUT DRINKING WATER
for Dani
The following will probably amaze and startle you.
One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.
Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or
Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
(No kidding, all of the above is true...) OF COURSE, TOO MUCH WATER MAY HAVE STRANGE SIDE AFFECTS.
merci Bernard
The following will probably amaze and startle you.
One glass of water shuts down midnight hunger pangs for almost 100% of the dieters studied in a University study.
Lack of water is the #1 trigger of daytime fatigue.
Preliminary research indicates that 8-10 glasses of water a day could significantly ease back and joint pain for up to 80% of sufferers.
A mere 2% drop in body water can trigger fuzzy short-term memory, trouble with basic math, and difficulty focusing on the computer screen or
Drinking 5 glasses of water daily decreases the risk of colon cancer by 45%, plus it can slash the risk of breast cancer by 79%, and one is 50% less likely to develop bladder cancer.
Are you drinking the amount of water you should every day?
(No kidding, all of the above is true...) OF COURSE, TOO MUCH WATER MAY HAVE STRANGE SIDE AFFECTS.
merci Bernard
Made For Each Other
This is a promo for, of all things, a site run by Lays Chips and Dips. It's a fascinating little site found at http://madeforeachother.com/
Tap My Foot, In Leather Pants
White Wedding: Literal Video Version - watch more funny videos
This is making the rounds on the interwebs, from the folks at Funny or Die, the literal version of Billy Idol's "White Wedding".
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Frightening Prognosis
A woman burst out of the examining room screaming after her young physician tells her she is pregnant. The director of the clinic stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she tells him what happened, the doctors had her sit down and relax in another room and he marched down the hallway where the woman’s physician was and demanded, “What is wrong with you? Mrs. Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?” The young physician continued to write his notes and without looking up at his superior, asked, “Does she still have the hiccups?”
Jenny Take A Ride
It's Mitch Ryder's birthday. He was born in 1945. Most famous perhaps for Devil With A Blue Dress, here Mitch and The Detroit Wheels perform Jenny Take A Ride (C.C. Rider)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
In A Jar
An 85 year old man visits his doctor to get a sperm count. The geezer’s given a jar and told to bring back a sample. The next day he returns to the doctor with an empty jar.
“What happened?” says the doctor.
“Well,” the old man starts, “I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left — nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing.”
The doctor bursts out, “You asked your neighbor?”
“Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn’t get that damn jar open.”
merci
“What happened?” says the doctor.
“Well,” the old man starts, “I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then her left — nothing. Then she tried with her mouth, first with her teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called Evelyn, the lady next door, but still nothing.”
The doctor bursts out, “You asked your neighbor?”
“Yep, No matter what we tried we couldn’t get that damn jar open.”
merci
The Mounties Always GetTheir Staple
Terry Mosher (Aislin) has outdone himself with this cartoon in the Montreal Gazette. In inquiry testimony into the death of a Polish immigrant at Vancouver International Airport it became clear why RCMP officers tasered the poor fellow 4 times. Wait for it... Because he was brandishing a stapler. Yeah, pretty dangerous stuff. The man died as a result of the tasering.Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Him
Rupert Holmes is 62 today. I'd say happy birthday, but I wouldn't mean it. Holmes is the guy responsible for 1979's nauseating "The Pina Colada Song", otherwise known as "Escape". He also sang "Him". Not sure which is worse... Boy, the 70s turned out some horrible dreck!
Monday, February 23, 2009
Laryngitis And What To Do For It
A man called his doctor and said, “Doctor, I think that my wife has come down with a case of laryngitis.” “Bring her into the office, then” the doctor said, “and I’ll see what I can do to treat the condition.” “Actually, I was hoping you could tell me how to prolong it.”
Sunday, February 22, 2009
A Cautionary Tale
To my darling husband,
Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the
small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately, it was not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too
much about me.
I was coming home fromWal*Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when
it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.XOXOX
P.S.. Your girlfriend called.
Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the
small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately, it was not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too
much about me.
I was coming home fromWal*Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when
it bumped into your car.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.XOXOX
P.S.. Your girlfriend called.
merci Leaman
NASCAR News Flash
NASCAR driver Jeff Gordon has announced he has taken advantage of a new “Stimulus Package” program to employ inner-city youth by firing his professional pit crew, and replacing them with ex-gangbangers.The decision to hire the boys was inspired by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from street gangs were able to remove a set of wheels from a car in less than 6 seconds — even without proper equipment. Gordon’s existing pit crew could only do it in 8 seconds, even with the benefit of hundreds of thousands of dollars’ worth of high tech machinery.
The scheme was hailed as an “excellent and bold move” by Gordon’s management team, as most races are won or lost in the pits.At the crew’s first practice session, not only was the inexperienced crew able to change all 4 wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had changed the paint scheme, altered the VIN number, and sold the car to Dale Earnhardt Jr. for 10 cases of Bud, a bag of weed, and photos of Jeff Gordon’s wife in the shower.
merci
Exercising My Rights (And My Lefts)
I confess, I'm not the most energetic of people. After all I'm a guy whose Facebook status reads "I'm not lazy. I'm just energy efficient". In fact, few people know but if you look up couch potato in the dictionary it has my picture.
At my house, we're so lazy even my cat is a couch potato.
But I've decided it's high time to do something about it. I've decided to undertake cross-country skiing. And, speaking of which, after our little session this morning, an undertake-r is something I could have really used.
We're quite fortunate where we live. The ski trails are a five-minute walk (more exercise!). But miracle of miracles, I stayed upright the whole time. Putting the skis on was interesting.
"You put your right foot in, you take your right foot out..."
The trail itself was gorgeous, with hardly anyone else out at 9:30 in the morning. Which worked out fine for me. I didn't have to pull over to let faster skiers (read: everyone else) by too often.
And after about 50 minutes of using muscles I never knew I had, but do now, we decided to make for home...
"Hey, wait for me..."
Now, if I only have enough strength left to kick the cat off the couch.
Saturday, February 21, 2009
The Explanation
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And she was somewhat upset. ‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!’
And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’
And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into t he car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don ‘t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’
The husband took a quick breath and continued - ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?
merci
And the husband replied, ‘Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.’ ‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed,’ but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’
And the husband began — ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into t he car.
I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don ‘t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.’
The husband took a quick breath and continued - ‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please … Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?
merci
The Quest
Here's a cute series of commercials for Gatorade's new sports drink starring basketball's Kevin Garnett. The concept and music is from another Quest - Monty Python and the Holy Grail...
Friday, February 20, 2009
That Was Only Yesterday
Spooky Tooth was a late 60s British progressive rock band. Gary Wright, the group's lead singer and organ player went on to record Dream Weaver in the mid 70s. But we won't hold that against him.
Sheesh...I'm It
No, I'm not being immodest. My Blog Buddy Amy Oops tagged me this morning. Those folks over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com are a funny bunch. Here's the premise:
“Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else.
“The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears.
“‘Let’s get this straight - there is a recession going on. There are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t the infrastructure on this island.
“‘I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have to get to those five other islands you are going to nominate.’”
Amy's choices were:
1.The twilight series
(hey one volume!)
2. A house with a farm
(hmm, okay)
3. My hunky hubby. yeah he has to suffer with me.
(hmm, luxury item, not sure)
Me?
I'm gonna miss my music collection, big screen TV and computer, that's for certain.
Book - Cormac McCarthy's The Road because it's an inspiring story of survival
Essential Item - My wife; yeah, I love her that much to make her suffer with me for eternity
Luxury Item - Life's supply of Bacon and Beer; mmmm, what a way to go!
Five other "islands"?
Nanny Goats in Panties
This Ain't No Effin' Mom Blog
Stuff and Nonsense
Debbie Does Drivel
and
Retro Yakking
“Your ship has sunk. You have, of course, been stranded on a deserted island. You have salvaged a copy of the King James Version of the Bible and a copy of the complete works of Shakespeare. Nothing else.
“The very next day you find one of those Arabian Lamps in the sand. Of course, you rub it and, of course, a rather grumpy Genie appears.
“‘Let’s get this straight - there is a recession going on. There are restrictions on the three wishes now. I don’t do water or air transport now so no boats, planes or magic carpets. As for electronics, forget it. There isn’t the infrastructure on this island.
“‘I can let you have one book and I mean one VOLUME, one essential item and one luxury item. Now hurry up and make your choices, I have to get to those five other islands you are going to nominate.’”
Amy's choices were:
1.The twilight series
(hey one volume!)
2. A house with a farm
(hmm, okay)
3. My hunky hubby. yeah he has to suffer with me.
(hmm, luxury item, not sure)
Me?
I'm gonna miss my music collection, big screen TV and computer, that's for certain.
Book - Cormac McCarthy's The Road because it's an inspiring story of survival
Essential Item - My wife; yeah, I love her that much to make her suffer with me for eternity
Luxury Item - Life's supply of Bacon and Beer; mmmm, what a way to go!
Five other "islands"?
Nanny Goats in Panties
This Ain't No Effin' Mom Blog
Stuff and Nonsense
Debbie Does Drivel
and
Retro Yakking
Who's Gonna Drive You Home Tonight
This is for the waitresses at Denny's in Kingston yesterday who were stumped when this came on the radio. It annoyed us all that we couldn't guess the singer. I told the waitress that served us that I'd probably think of the artist 30 minutes down the road. It came to me in about 3 minutes! -- The Cars!!!
This particular video is a unique montage of all road safety ads put out by the New Zealand Police. Message, "The Road Toll Must Come Down!" Don't speed!, don't drink! Who is going to drive you home tonight?
This particular video is a unique montage of all road safety ads put out by the New Zealand Police. Message, "The Road Toll Must Come Down!" Don't speed!, don't drink! Who is going to drive you home tonight?
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Tim Bits
Sometimes you really wonder why your mind works the way it does. My son and I visited the Hockey Hall of Fame while we were in Toronto this week - the holy shrine of all things hockey in a city that considers itself the centre of the universe. I saw some old hockey card collections and one included former Toronto Maple Leaf Star Tim Horton. Yes, that Tim Horton - the guy that started Canada's answer to Starbucks...with donuts!
Ironically, right next to the Horton cards were the cards of former Chicago Blackhawk player Stan Mikita. Stan Mikita's was the fictional donut shop used by Mike Myers to parody Tim Horton's in the movie Wayne's World. Me? In the heart of hockey heaven, I focussed on the donut connection. It's a Canadian thing... (gimme a large double-double with a Maple dip to go)
Ironically, right next to the Horton cards were the cards of former Chicago Blackhawk player Stan Mikita. Stan Mikita's was the fictional donut shop used by Mike Myers to parody Tim Horton's in the movie Wayne's World. Me? In the heart of hockey heaven, I focussed on the donut connection. It's a Canadian thing... (gimme a large double-double with a Maple dip to go)Toronto Road Trip
My son and I spent the last couple of days in Toronto. The main purpose of our trip was to take in the NBA's Cleveland Cavaliers and their marque player Lebron James play Toronto's Raptors. The day of the game was blustery, snowy and foggy. Here's a couple of pics from in and around the financial district - Bay Street.
Look up, way up, and very hard to see the CN Tower through the snowy haze.
Look up, way up, and very hard to see the CN Tower through the snowy haze.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Anything You Can Do...
This man in a Ford Granada pulls up next to a guy in a Rolls Royce at a stop sign. Their windows are open and he yells at the guy in the Rolls: "Hey, you got a telephone in there?" The guy in the Rolls says, "Yes, of course I do." "I got one too... see?" "Uh, huh, yes, that's very nice." Then the man in the Granada says, "You got a fax machine?" "Why, actually, yes, I do." "I do too! See? It's right here!" "Uh-huh." The light is just about to turn green and the guy in the Granada says, "So, do YOU have a double bed in back there?" And the guy in the Rolls says, "NO! Do you?" "Yep, got my double bed right in back here — see?!" The light turns and the man in the Granada takes off. Well, the guy in the Rolls is not about to be one-upped, so he goes immediately to a customizing shop and orders them to put a double bed in back of his car. About two weeks later, the job is finally done and he picks up his car and drives all over town looking for the Granada. He finally finds it parked alongside the road so he pulls his Rolls up next to it. The windows on the Granada are all fogged up and he feels a little awkward about it, but he gets out of his newly modified Rolls and taps on the foggy window of the Granada. The man in the Granada finally opens the window a crack and peeks out. The guy in the Rolls says, "Hey. Remember me?" "Yeah, yeah, I remember you. What's up?" "Check this out — I got a double bed installed in my Rolls." And the man in the Granada says, "YOU GOT ME OUT OF THE SHOWER TO TELL ME THAT?!"
Handy Dandy Movie Guide
I wish I'd seen this before I watched the Planet of the Apes series recently. How they sustained it for 5 movies is beyond me!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
The Helicopter Question
News Item: Journalist Sam Donaldson to Retire
This item caught my eye. At 74 Sam Donaldson is retiring from full-time journalistic work at ABC. He'll still be around from time to time though, doing his intellectual blow-hard routine. Donaldson was a trailblazer. In the 80s, covering the Ronald Reagan Whitehouse Donaldson was the first reporter to use the "helicopter question". Until then when a President left the Whitehouse via a helicopter it was a photo-op. Donaldson changed all that by shouting questions at Reagan as he boarded the aircraft. This changed journalism forever, leading to a more agressive approach by reporters in getting their questions across to politicians. You might say that after Donaldson this practice took flight.
This item caught my eye. At 74 Sam Donaldson is retiring from full-time journalistic work at ABC. He'll still be around from time to time though, doing his intellectual blow-hard routine. Donaldson was a trailblazer. In the 80s, covering the Ronald Reagan Whitehouse Donaldson was the first reporter to use the "helicopter question". Until then when a President left the Whitehouse via a helicopter it was a photo-op. Donaldson changed all that by shouting questions at Reagan as he boarded the aircraft. This changed journalism forever, leading to a more agressive approach by reporters in getting their questions across to politicians. You might say that after Donaldson this practice took flight.
Otherwise Known As Leader Of A Minorty Government
Obama's first foreign visit is to Ottawa, Thursday. According the importance due to one of the U.S.'s largest trading partners, the visit will last all of 6 hours.Monday, February 16, 2009
The Hectic Life Of A Rock n' Roll Groupie
THIS STONE IS ALWAYS ROLLING“I am always exhausted. We always have to go somewhere or meet someone. There are Ronnie's Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, and then when you get home the phone rings, then you have to walk the dog.” Ekaterina Ivanova, 20, describes the hectic life of being the girlfriend of Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood (pictured).
Merci Alec
Surgery
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room, the first surgeries of the day.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"WHOA!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born."
"Couldn't walk for a year."
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"
The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, 'What are you here for?'
The first kid says, "A circumcision."
"WHOA!" the second kid replies. "Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born."
"Couldn't walk for a year."
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Coffee, Tea or...
All too rarely, Australian airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On an Air NZ Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft."
From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.
"Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children... or other adults acting like children."
Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United. "He said that,in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas."
YOU GOT TO LOVE AUSTRALIA!
stumbled
On an Air NZ Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing the hostess said, "Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.""There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways to leave the aircraft."
From a Qantas employee: "Welcome aboard Qantas Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.
"Weather at our destination is 32 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Qantas Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.""Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children... or other adults acting like children."
Heard on Qantas Airlines just after a very hard landing in Hobart: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump, and I know what you are all thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault... it was the asphalt!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying United. "He said that,in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had got off except for an old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?" "Why no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land or were we shot down?"After a real crusher of a landing in Sydney, the Flight Attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt.Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurised metal tube, we hope you'll think of Qantas."
YOU GOT TO LOVE AUSTRALIA!
stumbled
Nothing Says Credibility More Than A Teddy Bear, Bunny Ears and a Diaper
Minnesota Senator(?) Al FrankenBaby Cakes
A friend of ours is overdue on delivering her baby. We can't make up our minds which cake to get her. We've narrowed it down to three...
Bacon Haikus
You? You lived your life
Like some bacon in the wind
Fly into my mouth.
Like some bacon in the wind
Fly into my mouth.
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Saturday, February 14, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
That "Special" Day
Ah, Valentine's Day. You either love the day of love...or you, ah, don't. If you're single, well you're definately not gettin' any so get a card for mom and leave it at that. If you're half of a couple...way to go. Now's your chance to lay it on thick and get lucky, at least one day out of the year, guaranteed!
Lately, however, more and more people view Cupid's special day as a bunch of hooey (Oxford English Dictionary: nonesense), and about as commercial as Christmas and Easter. Here's a little pictorial tour of such un-Valentine sentimentality...
Well, be that as it may, I'm a romantic at heart. I think there's still hope!
Lately, however, more and more people view Cupid's special day as a bunch of hooey (Oxford English Dictionary: nonesense), and about as commercial as Christmas and Easter. Here's a little pictorial tour of such un-Valentine sentimentality...
Well, be that as it may, I'm a romantic at heart. I think there's still hope!Piece of My Heart
How appropriate on the eve of Valentine's Day we let loose with Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin. This performance is from the late 60s. The song was released as part of Cheap Thrills, Big Brother and the Holding Company's second album, in 1968. Janis died in 1970, tragically at the age of 27.
Love Hurts
SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, "SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YA MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YA HALF BROTHER."
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YA MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER."
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, "MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YA HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY."
I stole this from Wirecutter's excellent blog
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.
PAPPY TOLD HER, "SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YA MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YA HALF BROTHER."
SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL.
YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YA MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER."
BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, "MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YA HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY."
I stole this from Wirecutter's excellent blog
